School has always been a struggle. Though hard to believe; because of my willingness to learn and the daring student inside of me taking the difficult classes. I have always felt that I would always have to work a little harder or study a little more than everyone in my classes. This year I feel as though my life as a student will never end and that everything inside of me is just slowly dying. Slowly withering away with hate and remorse for my stressed exterior. I try to take the death of my happiness in an optimistic tone. I try to imagine my happiness as a little cartoon character packing its bags crying uncontrollably but it doesn’t seem to help the need I feel to just quit everything. Quit school, activities, clubs, relationships, whatever just so I can feel myself again. This year, my junior year, has just eaten away at me like a ravaging piranha. I have come to a point that I understand that I am not the smartest person in my class and that spectacular grades will not or ever define me as a person, that my education will just lead me to another huge list of to-dos and don’ts. And at this very moment as I write this essay trying to decide what I believe in and what has caused me to believe such things; I understand that the me writing this paper with so many different drafts of my beliefs written, I now can say I believe in acceptance. Acceptance of ones self and of ones abilities but also of others and their abilities. Acceptance is a misunderstood word along with happiness. To be accepted is to be happy, to some people. It depends on what and how you are accepted. For example, as a child I wasn’t that awesome (hard to believe… I KNOW) and I was really shy so sometimes my mom would talk to other parents so that their kids would come ask me to play. Yes, I knew of the forced acceptance and no I wasn’t happy when they came and asked me to play because they weren’t accepting me, their parents were. That is the problem with the false definitions of acceptance and happiness. There is the happiness that everyone sees but true happiness is the butterfly stomach feeling where happiness is radiating out of you. Same with acceptance, you can see someone being accepted into a group of friends but do they truly make a connection with those people. I believe truly accepting one’s self and others can bring happiness in daily life. This I believe.
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