hope

jed - orangeville, Pennsylvania
Entered on January 17, 2009
Age Group: 50 - 65
Themes: family, hope, setbacks

Hope

I believe in Hope. It was soon after a horrible accident had left me disabled. While not as bad some, I was left in a permanent condition that would change my life in so many ways not only physical, but in my mental and social well being. Soon I would lose my mate, my job, and with it, my faith in love, and above all I lost sight of myself and began feeling hopeless. I would later learn that it was just that, “a feeling.”

One’s perception is most often based on one’s acquired success and social standing. It is the insidious development of our personality from childhood, through adolescence to adulthood that catapults us toward a goal and into a profession often times we see as our niche in life. We settle in, seeking a soul mate who we can laugh with and share our most intimate desires and establish a home thus completing the elusive American dream. This process often is acquired only after years of often painful experiences in learning and matters of the heart. Once achieved, we feel an immense sense of pride in that which we accomplished and perceive that it will go on forever; but, as in life, all things will end, and in one fell swoop, it can all be gone.

It is often said that our defense mechanism is to bury the bad memories and keep the good in the forefront. Somehow, the bad moments became so profound and numerous that I was overwhelmed. Unknowingly, I sank into depression and began to lose trust in human kind, finding myself unable to cope not only with the changes, but, all in the while, also changing into a person that was much different than the one whom achieved the former success. Quickly, I lost sight of the fact that not all was bad in my life. As with the old expression “When it rains, it pours,” so my bad luck seemed to be going. But, as with another expression, “It’s right in front of our noses,” I would soon learn and realize that the solution was indeed closer than I realized.

It was my family that brought me back into game of life. My children were persistent in their outpouring of love and would not let a stubborn old man defeat them although they saw it was a daunting task. I had become so self-centered that I failed to realize that the truly good things in my life had not changed, only me. Yes, I had lost a mate, and many material things, but my children were still my children, and they still loved me unconditionally despite my un-toward’s behavior, while tending only to my own needs and ignoring theirs. They had never lost hope in me. They were my ultimate success and were that part of my life which I had not lost. Their diligence and unending love showed me that the only thing I had lost was my way.

It was the hope, the desire, the wanting, the love and the longing that I tried to instill into my children’s values as they grew into adults. This was the most compelling success of my life, and I came to realize that the lesson came full circle. The students became the teachers and shared what was shared with them. Hope was the vision, the truth, the belief and the desire to go another day. Love was the bond, but Hope was the essential element.

As I have since learned, or perhaps even rediscovered, all things seem to work out on that sometimes dark and twisted trail through life, but, in the end, it is Love that gives us the vision and Hope that provides the beacon of light to see us through it.

Yes, I do, I believe in Hope.