Depression. Sadness. Gloom. Dejection. Four words, one meaning. I’ve been struggling with this for about a year now, but these past three months have made the most difference in my life.
Walking into the cool air-conditioned house, I yelled, “I’m home!” I was greeted with the sound of my siblings running toward me. I knew it was them because they sounded like a herd of elephants, as usual. I heard my mom call up to me, asking me to come to the laundry room. I skipped down the steps, pausing in the doorway of the brightly lit laundry room, where my mom was folding laundry.
“Come here,” she said, “I want to talk to you.” My mom waited for me to step inside before continuing. “Mrs. Jones* called. She said Ava* came to her crying. Ava told her that you wanted to kill yourself. I want to know what’s wrong. Why would you say that?”
I looked at my mom. She had this look in her eyes as if they were saying, “Talk to me. Please.” I broke down. Hot tears burned my cheeks like lava flowing down the sides of a volcano. “I’m sick of it!” I cried.
“Sick of what?” my mom asked, trying to figure out why her oldest daughter would think these dreadful thoughts.
“Everything! I’m sick of having to do everything around here- the vacuuming, picking up messes that aren’t mine. I’m always stuck doing everything other people don’t want, or can’t, do! I can’t always keep up the grades you want me to keep up. I know we’re not in school now, but even last year, I got one little grade and it was like the end of the world for at least a week! It’s a lot to handle!” I sobbed, wanting my mom to understand.
“Emma, you need to communicate with me about this stuff. Talk to me or your father. You can’t let things build up to this point! If you ever feel like something is too much for you to handle, you need to talk to us. Your dad and I want to help.” My mom said.
I sat there for a while, crying and talking to my mom about how school, my family and friends, and swimming all played a part in this. If Ava hadn’t had the courage to tell her mom, I never would’ve had that talk with my mom and I might not be here to tell my story. I believe that true friends and family will always be there for you, no matter what.
*Names have been changed.
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