I believe in humility, at least now I do. There was a time when I was proud: a time when the world and all of its inhabitants revolved around me and my concerns. I thought that everything good that happened in my life was somehow a result of something great that I had done. I mean sure I said a thank you prayer to God for those good things, but that wasn’t really what my heart was saying. My heart was saying, “Mallory you’re amazing.”
Being the center of the universe was fun for a little while, but then the consequences of my own pride set in. I was miserable. And in this time of misery I realized that I no right to be proud. Seriously, who am I that I should deserve such reverence? What have I done that is so great?
I am so blessed in my life, and somehow I thought that was because of me? Somehow I thought that every accomplishment, great or small, was because of my own talents and abilities. But now I realize that that is not so. Just because I score a goal in a soccer game does not mean that I’m a child prodigy; it means that there are ten other girls on the field who have perfected a play, and I just happened to finish it. Just because I do well on a test does not mean that I am super-intelligent; it means that I lucked out. Just because someone says that my outfit looks cute does not mean that I’m gorgeous; it means that I took time to get ready that morning. Just because I think that I am a “good person” does not mean that I am; it means that I’m wallowing in my pride and my own abilities again.
And somehow, someway I will manage to get back to that prideful state again – probably before I go to bed tonight. It may not be obvious to the rest of the world, but in my heart I’m once again saying, “Mallory is amazing”, and that’s not where I want to be. I want to live in reality, where I realize that I’m not the greatest thing that has ever happened. I want to understand that all of the blessings in my life aren’t rewards; I didn’t earn them, they are gifts that I don’t deserve.