“You’re a useless being. The only thing you contribute to society is negativity and depression.” Ouch. I read the words over and over again. You would think that hearing this from someone who knows me better than I know myself, I would be hurt or angry; however, I am not the practical type. Reading these words, knowing what they meant, I was shocked at first. And then I began to think about me, and who I was, and the way I acted. My shock turned to relief, instantaneously. Realization spread through my mind, and I knew how truthful the words were. I was in a slump, stuck, barely holding on to the life I had. These words changed something inside of me though; it made me see that I deserved better, more than the minimum. It was as if I was finally free, a weight was lifted from my shoulders.
And what bothers me more than anything is that it takes harsh words and the loss of a friend to lose such a weight, a weight that pushed me lower than I’d ever been and turned me into an unfriendly person. I make mistakes, I have regrets, but I have decided to never give in. I think there are times that I get lost in life, and I need others to bail me out. I’ve only lived a little under 6,000 days on this Earth, but out of everything I have experienced, there is one thing that I believe in more than anything else. I believe in survival. I know that there are times in life that are hard to get through. And I know that it is difficult to pick myself up and decide to live, decide to make it through everything with a smile on my face.
I now realize that it is worth it just to keep on going–that there is so much good on the horizon. And I know how it feels to be blinded by the problems that you face, to not see how much better it will get. I know the feeling of hopelessness. And it is what sparks my belief in survival. Because eventually something snapped me out of my problems. Things got better. It may have taken pain brought on by harsh words that I learned to live by, such as what revamped my outlook on things, or it could be something completely different. The thing that is necessary to remember is to survive. That’s all life asks: that you live.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.