This I Believe

Brianna - Scotts Valley, California
Entered on January 9, 2009
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: death, family

These three things are very different and very much the same in many ways. All of these moments happened within a week of each other. All of these stories are true. I wouldn’t dare to make up something like this that has hurt the lives of so many people. Some people don’t understand that some people are suffering inside so they don’t ask that person if they want help or if they just want to cry into their shoulders and tell them everything bad that has happened in their life. I believe that everyone who hasn’t had a loved one died should be very thankful. My mom died on December 14, 2006. I was staying home from school because I had this weird feeling in my stomach that I never had before. I had stayed home from school the day before just because it was offered. I woke up that morning and got dressed like I would for a normal day at school. But there was this weird feeling in my stomach. The next day when my sisters flew in (on Thursday) I asked them if they also had a weird feeling in their stomachs the day before. Both of them said yes. My mom had died around 2:30 in the afternoon. She was surrounded by my dad, her boyfriend her best friend since middle school and her mom. I wish I could have been there to say good-bye just that one last time. The last time I had spoken to her was the day before in the morning. It was just before my dad and step-mom asked me if I wanted to stay home from school that day. I said yes. I showed my mom what I made for her the night before. It was a collage of me and my friends, me and her and just her. I wrote down all the people that were in the pictures and all of the names of the places we were at. I was wearing my Santa clause hat, blue sweater, and favorite jeans that we had gotten together when I showed her the gift that I made her. It hurt me so bad to see my mom who used to be so strong and powerful to be so weak and pathetic in bed with a help-breathing tube up her nose. I have never seen my mom like that and I will never forget it. I was always hoping, praying, wishing that my mom would get better again. On her good days, she would pick me up or drop me off at school. Then on the weekends, we would get up early and drive to see our pony, Spats aka Spaz. Sometimes we would go to the dog beach or the regular beach. One time we even went to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. On that day that I will never forget, my mom left behind all of her friends and her family. I do believe that she is in a better place than what she was in because she is no longer in pain. She never has to undergo chemotherapy again and never ever has to loose all of her gorgeous hair. I miss my mom a whole lot but whenever I feel sad or am missing her a lot, I just remember all of the good times that we had together and talk to my dad about it. I believe that no one has experienced something like their mom’s funeral. My mom’s funeral was really beautiful. There were millions of flowers and tons of her friends. I was dressed in my horse show outfit that my mom had gotten me. I was very amazed that I was the only one in the family that did not cry. I’m not proud of it at all. I just couldn’t cry. I cried more whenever I was feeling sad. I was still in shock from the days before. I was also amazed at the fact that my older sister, who I had never seen cry before, crying her heart out into my dads’ shoulder. I was surprised to learn that my sisters called my mom, mom. They weren’t even related to my mom. They called my mom that because their mom had left them when they were little girls-younger than me- and she just acted like a mom to them. After the funeral, we went to a lodge to have a celebration of my moms’ life. She wanted it that way. She didn’t want anyone to be sad because she left. My friends even came to it. I was happy to see them but I was sad to leave them. I believe that no one has experienced a move like I did. Shortly after my mom died, I was forced to help pack up my room to move to South Carolina. I arrived in South Carolina on December 18. A few days later, my dad, step-mom and I all went to Ashley Furniture to pick out my new bed set. Then, winter break ended and I had to go to a new school. I never wanted to go to school. I was up until midnight trying to go to sleep. It turned out that I could have actually slept in a little bit longer because we were in the office forever and a million years. When we finally got finished, me and my dad went around with the guidance consular while she was showing me where all of my classrooms were. I didn’t want my dad to leave even though he had to go to work. Everyone was in their third period class when I was finally able to go to class. I think that no one has ever had to go through something like the death of their mom. I think that some people don’t realize that something like that happened to me because I’m always so happy and laughing all the time. I basically kept telling myself that she is in a better place now; that she is not in pain anymore. And I’m glad that my mom doesn’t have to loose all of her hair anymore and that she doesn’t have to be so sick. She was always in bed and whenever she tried to come upstairs, she took breaks after two steps. My mom was very weak. I love my mom and a day doesn’t go by without me wanting to see my mom