“Honey,” her voice came sweet and slow. “We have some news, well sweetie…” It was like she was spelling it out for me, it was right there in front of my nine- year old face, no warning. G-R-A-N-D-M-A “Grandma Vicki she has cancer,” she spoke very clearly but in a deflated tone.
Right then and there a puddle was at my feet; I was practically drowning in my own tears. That was one time I realized that it was okay to cry.
About four years later in the summer it was around June when we were thinking that it was almost her time. We had a walk for my grandma in late June; we did not raise any money, it was just a way to show support. In early July we went and visited her a lot, but we could never stay long it was too overwhelming for her.
One day my mom and I were watching TV, when the phone rang she answered and walked over by the window and spoke in a whisper. I could not hear her, but her face got red she was crying I could tell, I went over to her and said “its okay don’t cry” but I still had no idea what she was crying about. I went back in the living room and sat on the couch. I heard her say “That’s ok I will tell her.” She came in the living room and I said, “Why were you crying,” then she had told me that grandma was really sick and wasn’t going to hold on much longer. Then again I burst into tears, I knew it was ok to cry.
A couple days later my mom and me were up at my other grandma’s house I was in the house and they were in the garage. My grandma & mom were working in there. I was looking out the window when my mom walked out of the garage and was talking on her cell phone; I figured it was her work.
Later that day when we were home my mom sat me down and told me that my grandma had passed away. There again I made another little puddle at my feet was it ever going to end no probably not that’s when I realized that I believe in crying. Every night up to the funeral I sat in my bed weeping, I was to the point where I was used to tears.
A few days later when it was her funeral we were as family getting ready to go down the aisle and sit in the front. I had it all together then the music started and we started walking, then and there I burst into tears. For the rest of the funeral I could not hold my tears, I drowned in them. That is why I believe in tears.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no
Tears. ~ John Vance Cheney
Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears,
for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth,
overlying our hard hearts. ~ Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860
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