I believe in addiction. Addiction fades and returns. You can always count on it. This deadly physical manifestation of a need will kill you and/or feed you. My biggest addiction is music. The blending bass, the piercing drums, the guitar that melts in your ears, and the vocalist who rhymes catchy hooks all absorbs into me. I close my eyes and see pulses of light that mix in the music. I feed my music addiction everyday. My iPod is my drug of choice and it never wears out. I receive a constant high from music. It makes me experience sadness, happiness, mad, and so much more. I can’t and won’t beat the drug of music.
My next largest addiction is hope. Hope travels through my blood vessels and pumps my heart, willing me to live. I hope to never see death beating on my door, to never feel a regret, to never feel like my life is wasted. I hope to see my loved ones fulfill their lives and surround me with their grace and caring souls. I hope to travel the world, find love in a foreign country, and never dwell on my past. This life I hope for screams at me “Find me! Find me!” and my hope pumps my heart again, sending it to 200 beats per minute. This hope is my addiction and without it I lead a life of shame.
Not all of my addictions are attached to me emotionally, but linger in my body physically. I am addicted to caffeine and I am very much so okay with it. It makes me feel good everyday and it helps me to deal with my stress. I lie down with a soda and my headache dissipates. One sip of that sweet poison and my troubles go away as my body gets pushed into a relaxed state. I know caffeine will kill me one day, so why not enjoy it while I have it? That short energy burst fizzles and it turns into a mini-crash and my body plunges to a deep calming state. I am a caffeine junkie and every hour of every day has a spot of caffeine in it. I am really okay with the way things are going with my caffeine addiction.
Addiction doesn’t come and go. Addiction always stays and will comfort you if you allow it to. Don’t let your addiction and your physical manifestations beat you down. When you take control your addictions will comfort you, save you, and feed you. Your needs are within your control.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.