God-Deal or No Deal?

Pablo - Carmel, Indiana
Entered on December 18, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

I went through a period of time when I questioned my beliefs. I started as an atheist then as more around me put emphasis on religion, I began to question my own. I didn’t really have one; I felt a bit left out. Both my parents were agnostic so I was raised that way. As some of my friends started to reveal more that they were Catholic or Jewish or Christian, I felt like I wanted to test their faith. I basically rebelled against the norm of religion by challenging it. I used science and logic to try and disprove them but they wouldn’t listen to a word. A person and their religion are not easily parted. This stubbornness made me almost idolize them. They really believed in God, or Allah, or Buddha and nothing I could say could change their mind. They were going to stick with it. Soon, I decided to find my religion. I wanted a unique religion. This made me [according to an online test] Buddhist. I didn’t believe a word of it but I did believe in Karma in a way and what goes around comes around. From this, I started flaunting my awkward religion. I made more friends as well as enemies. I actually, for an assignment, was supposed to write letters to my fellow classmates. Almost all my letters had Buddhist remarks. I wrote deeply religious things in my paper and I wish I could take it back because it was embarrassing. People came up to me and said things like, “You’re Buddhist?”, and “You believe in Buddha?” and most of all, “What is this?”. I decided to change my religion. I took the test again and this time it said I was Jewish Orthodox. I figured this would be okay. It wasn’t. It didn’t fit me well. After this past, I decided to follow my grandparents. I started to be more subtle about my religion. I read the Bible on my iPod. It was good. I believed the stories, but I could not accept the fact that God created everything, or that he was even real. Part of me wanted to believe, but the other half wanted to rebel against and challenge it. It was like the day I learned Santa wasn’t real. I wasn’t very happy, but it was nice to know that I knew the truth. Eventually, I took a look back at the basics of Catholicism. I realized this wasn’t right, either. Even now, I still don’t know if I fully believe in God. At age eleven, this is what I believe: that there is someone out there like God, that what comes around goes around [Karma], that the Big Bang created the universe, and that there is something to the effect of Heaven and Hell. As I continue to grow older and wiser, I may change my beliefs.