Love- to have sexual intercourse with, a profoundly tender passionate affection for another person, concern for the well beings of others, to kiss to hug to cuddle, for pleasure, for God, and out of pity. Love 12 dictionary results, two references, two billion one hundred-seventy google results and 400million related images.
Just as all little kids, I too grew up with the power of love. I saw my Grandfather beat my Grandma, and when I asked her why this had happened she replied, “He didn’t mean to, your grandfather, you know he loves me, It was all my fault I made him do it, I gave him no choice, he had to, to teach me right from wrong, to remind me that he cares.” He had beat you up, slap you around like a rag doll, punch you in the side while grasping your hear and pulling your head the opposite way? All this in a way was crazy, I thought to myself, yet on the other hand it made complete since. My mom spanked us, when we were bad; to teach us right from wrong, to show her love for us, it was all the same. It was the same when my parents fought They would start out talking in an outside voice, thinking we were all asleep in our beds, well me in my big girl bed and my brothers in their cribs. But they did not see how I stayed awake, hiding beneath my covers, for I listened every night to there every move. “Stop, just stop, we can’t afford this, the kids are getting bigger, they need stuff, you need to chose, you need to stop, or you need to leave. I can’t have our kids be second in their father’s eyes. I will not let your addictions come first in this house.” Hollered my mother. My father was always quick to fire back, “My addictions, my addictions, how much have you had to drink?” I could hear my mother crying now; I could hear the babbling battle between an alcoholic and stoner. Something happened, something was said, and now my heart was racing “ NO, Stop” cried out my mother, “smack my mothers head against a wall. I thought something fell, something was always falling. I went to take a peak, to make sure nothing was broken. The door made a loud creaking noise, which echoed down the hall and into the hostile room. My heart skipped a beat. “ Go back to bed and ill be in momentarily to tuck you in” I was directed from my mothers voice from behind the wall.
Few I thought to myself, my mommy loves my daddy, and my daddy loves my mommy, and they both love us. They loved each other enough to share it with all our nabjors. There actions were out of love, yet I wanted them to stop, I wanted to be like my best friends family, a family that went to church every Sunday, and never yelled, that had a house full of laughter, that’s what I wanted, laughter.
There marriage was short lived, for which I am forever grateful for, how was one expected to live with so much love? During the divorce we were assigned a guardian- of lightment, a child advocate, who had the beast interest of the children at hand. We were at mommies new place, a place with clean white walls, and absent of all the screaming. When we were asked by Glenda the court appointed guardian who it was we wanted to live with, I cleverly replied, both thinking they would force my parents to work it out, bring us home, to be loved once more. Love I think now, how corrupted a word, a single word that provokes emotion, a word with a thousand meanings, a word with so much happiness, yet brings such sorrow, a word for witch is as the top of your tong a word that is to easily forgiven, and never forgotten.
I heard of love growing up, I listened when people said it, but I never got it, and now its late, love for me now represents devastation. I believe in the power of a single word, emotion that drives us crazy, I believe in love, just not the same as you.
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