I believe that each moment of my life happens for a reason, but it may take time for me to see why. When I was so depressed my sophomore year of high school and almost died of suicide, I couldn’t understand why God was putting me through all this pain. I could never fully understand why I had to feel so much pain. It got worse when I was kicked off my rowing team my junior for going on college visits. I didn’t see why God put me through my pains until November of my Senior year. I was presented with the opportunity to talk to parents of high school students about my suicide attempt with a program called Surviving the Teens with the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital and Medical Center. When I was offered this opportunity, I began to see that this had always been part of God’s plan. He knew that I would be strong enough to not go through with my attempt. He also knew that I would have enough time and energy without rowing to present my story. This has made me realize that when I am in a difficult or painful situation it may be hard to see what good can come from it. If I give each moment in my life a closer look I will be able to see why I was put into that situation.
At the beginning of this school year, someone told me about a national organization called Active Minds that creates clubs on college campuses to raise awareness of mental health and illnesses. I was very excited to try to start one on my campus, but when I received the packet of “Getting Started” information, I was too overwhelmed by school and work to be able to put my energy towards it. I felt like God wanted me to start it but was not giving me any time to work on it. It was hard for me to make sense of this, but I knew if I kept working hard things would work out. I then put those thoughts in the back of my mind and focused on school and work. When I began to forget about finding time to work on starting this club, I was e-mailed by a friend asking if I would be willing to go to Philadelphia for a conference that would teach me how to start a club if she found grants for me to fly and stay there. I then realized being too busy to start the club was a blessing because my friend was able to send me to Philadelphia to learn exactly how to start it.
I think it is sometimes easy to curse the world for the things going on in my life, but through my experience I have come to believe that everything will work out in the end. The times when I feel I am being wrong will prove to be the best times to grow.
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