Losing Control

Robyn - Fayetteville, New York
Entered on December 14, 2008

It’s usually seen as a bad thing when you let go and lose control of your life. But I think that sometimes it’s just what you need to face the unexpected, to take a chance on the unknown.

I let go after I had spent over a year completely relying on one of my friends. He meant a lot to me. I considered him one of my best friends, though I don’t think he

thought the same of me. Eventually we grew apart and it hurt because I did rely on him and care so much. That was so stupid because eventually we weren’t going to be friends anymore. Very seldom do you find somebody that will be there your whole life. It was bound to happen at some point I just hadn’t thought it would be that soon. I had become cautious of what I didn’t have control over for fear that it wasn’t the right thing.

After we ended our friendship, I didn’t want to find anyone like him again. I was scared to replace him; didn’t want to be hurt that way again. So I let go of all my worries and concerns and just let life happen to see who I would find. I know it probably wasn’t the best of ideas, but after going through all that I was scared of the people around me. I was worried about what was going to happen. I needed to let go of my feelings and be a teenager. I know I am supposed to grow up and be mature, but for now I’m still just a kid. I don’t always have to follow the rules and have a purpose for everything I do. We only have a certain amount of years that we are alive. We should experience life and everything it offers. I did get weird looks from people and some shaking of heads but I was okay with that because I was having fun and being the real me. It helped me get over the pain I had gone through. I didn’t hold on to the past, worrying if I should want him back or if he cared that I wasn’t there.

It’s not the normal way most people deal with things but I believe that sometimes you have to try and change not who you are but what you do. I do agree that sometimes I went too far, but I learned from it. Maybe just try different things that normally you wouldn’t try and just let things happen. I saw that there was so much more out there then what I had thought. I just think that it’s simpler to just let loose. It helped me to get back on track. I grew from it and everything that went with it.