I believe in Suicide

Michele - El Paso, Texas
Entered on December 12, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe in suicide. Yes suicide. I believe it has the ability to destroy the most sensitive of creatures; humans. I believe it is the most powerful action any human being can take, more than the murder of another person. I believe it’s an “escape” people search for, not knowing they’re walking into the darkest of traps. I believe this is simply prevented with words. Words of encouragement and love. Unfortunately, my experiences with suicide have been more than I would have hoped for. It is the self-death of a friend, an acquaintance, and a total stranger that have strongly bonded this belief in me.

I still remember the total chaos and darkness that surrounded my school during the aftermath of my fellow school mate’s death; Lauren and Kevin. The “gloominess” of it perpetuated our school. I wonder what it is that brought them to that point. Did they not see what I saw in them? In Lauren I saw an intelligent young girl and an awesome basketball player. I saw a million gigawat smile and a purpose hiding behind those blue-green eyes of hers. What did she see? Was she blinded by the simple imperfections in life? Did she not know she would be missed so much? I wonder. Did Kevin not know this either? Although I didn’t know him quite so well, the simple fact of his sudden death still saddens me and hundreds more.

I believe suicide is not something spontaneous. I believe it is something that requires a lot of time and thought. I realized this one day on my way to school. It was there on the freeway that I saw the man in the blue suit. He was laying there on the side lanes next to cars going 65mph. This hadn’t been an accident; he had jumped off the bridge above. Later that day the news identified him as “the man in the blue suit”. Why was he wearing that blue suit to his death? Did he want to avoid his family the trouble of dressing him for his funeral? Apparently this 52 year old man had also left his family and others a letter. I wonder what they said. I love you? I hate you? I’m sorry? What? What was so important that he had to write it down?

It is this event that has forever changed my life. I cannot pass through that exit on the freeway without thinking of that man. Did he know he would impact a complete stranger’s life? Probably not. I just know that I will not forget him, even if I never met him.

I believe these horrifying events could have easily been prevented with simple words of encouragement. Yes, I know that whatever brought them to that point must have been a “big deal”, but I’m sure it was nothing new. Someone, somewhere, at some point went through that exact same thing, and overcame it. All those people needed were a friend with words of encouragement and support. It saddens me to know that I’ve come across people that have given up. I feel like I’ve failed them. There is nothing I can do about them now, but maybe, just maybe I can help someone else. I can help them by reminding them that they have a purpose and they’re worth so much more than they believe.