This I Believe

Sondra Rae - LaSalle, Colorado
Entered on December 5, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

Find Your Wings. To many, these words mean nothing. Few may recognize this as a song title. To me, these words are truth, they’re life, they’re what I believe in.

It began when I was in seventh grade. I had several accounts of mild depression. I would just beat myself up inside about the smallest mistakes in schoolwork or problems with friends, and at times I would convince myself that I was worthless. My self esteem was so low and I began cutting in an effort to relieve the internal pain. Somehow I was always able to pull myself out of these stages after just a few weeks and stop hurting myself, all without anyone ever noticing that something had been wrong. But then I came to a period of extreme depression just as my sophomore year of high school began. I guess the pressure of everything, trying to balance schoolwork with my social and family life and extracurricular activities, it had just become too much for me. I started pulling away from everything, from everybody, and again I began cutting. The pessimism just got worse and worse. To me, nothing I did was good enough, I was never pleasing enough to others and I felt that I was meant for failure. I just felt so alone. I was good at hiding it though, as it took months for my parents and friends to catch on and realize what I was going through. When they learned that I had been hurting myself and contemplating suicide, my parents immediately sought help by sending me to therapy. To me, it seemed useless. There was nothing that was going to help me, nothing could break me of this depression. I had simply given up.

That was until one day when I turned on my iPod and started writing in my journal about how hopeless I was feeling, just like I had many times before. But this time something was different. This time the words I heard were more than just song lyrics. The song was about finding your wings. It was telling me to keep going, to live to be all that I could be, reminding me to hold onto my faith. Bursting into tears, I knew that God had sent me this song. I knew that I had so much more to live for and that I was in fact, not alone. Just when I was at my lowest, God sent me a miracle through this song, reminding me that He was there by my side and He wasn’t going to let me give up that easy. And with that, I was cured. One song changed everything, renewed my faith, and turned things around for me. From then on I’ve taken everything for what it is and I try to live every day to the fullest. I believe that the power of a song along with the miracles and timing of God saved my life.