Complex Simplicity of Assumptions

Teasylyn - moreno valley, California
Entered on December 4, 2008

Assumptions were always pleasant until I faced reality. I have made plenty of wrong turns directed by the assumptions in my mind. At times I found it easier to glance at a situation and come to a conclusion rather than search for reality. I know, not such a good idea. I never thought assumptions could affect all aspects of life so much that it is hard to accept the genuine aspects of life. I thought everyone had similar intentions, but I have now learned otherwise.

Experience and witnessing both good and bad have led me to believe that making assumptions and prejudging creates a lasting impression internally that pour into all aspects of life. I had a best friend; we grew up together and depended on each other unconditionally. I found out that she lied to me about something we had discussed several times. The pain of disappointment hit me like a double sided sword. I was genuinely hurt that it would never be the same. I kept my emotions bottled in, so I never allowed myself time to heal. Over time my hurt developed into mistrust and I began to prejudge people of their intentions. When I realized it, it was too late; I was already damaged. Since I am not completely healed, it is hard to allow someone the opportunity to get close with me again because I assume they can hurt me again. But what I have failed to realize is that the judgments I made today affect how I deal with situations tomorrow.

Three years later, I have become closer with other friends. It was brought to my attention that I sometimes manipulate conversations before they happen by knowing how far I will let my guard down. Three of my friends and I were talking about boyfriends. They knew I had a boyfriend but rarely spoke of him. They ask, “Do you really like him? What do you look for in a guy?” I shrugged, and then answered, “I don’t know.” They figured I was a careless person who didn’t like him. I cared about him, but I couldn’t reveal that to them. By honestly answering simple questions, I figured eventually they would become close with me. The important people in my life now have done nothing to deserve half of me, when they offer all of themselves. Relationships failed and innocent people hurt are results of my one assumption. One of the biggest assumptions I have made is that everyone sees life the way I do. I have assumed that others feel what I feel, think the way I think, and judge the way I judge. I was afraid to be myself around others because I assumed I would be judged, victimized, and misunderstood. Instead, I now believe that my assumptions can cause me to lose out on the best thing that life can offer; love, happiness, and peace of mind.