I believe in remembering. I believe that remembering is beautiful, but even when someone can’t remember, they can still be beautiful. Memories can make us happy; they give us hope, yet they can also make us remember our past tribulations and fears. Past experiences remind me of my fear of spiders, how hurt I was when my boyfriend broke up with me, and how thankful I was when a friend surprised me on my birthday when I thought nobody cared. My grandmother was beautiful without any memories. Alzheimer’s took away everything she had, but it gave her an amazing ability- Nanny truly loved. When I used to visit her, she had no recollection of whom I was or why I was there, but she loved me anyways.
Her memory left her slowly. It was like an invisible being stood over her and with prolonged speed took every memory out of her head one after another. In conversations I had with her, she would ask, “So Alli, how old are you now?” I would then reply, “I’m thirteen Nanny. “Yes, I have grown up a lot.” She would sit back in her chair and smile, acting like she was satisfied with my answer. Unfortunately, the satisfaction only lasted for about five minutes, and then one day, she forgot who I was.
I am glad her suffering was over that September. She had fallen in her backyard and broke her hip right before she had forgotten how to walk. Recovery would have been impossible. Alzheimer’s controlled her life, but in the end, it set her free.
My Nanny was a remarkable woman. She loved people without even remembering she knew them. She just loved.
I believe that memories drive everything we do, but when they all disappear, love takes over. When I recall the hard times I have gone through, I remember to hurt. When I think about all the bad things someone has done to me, I remember to hate, but when I bring to mind how much love someone has shown me, I remember to love. I will always love my Nanny just like she has always loved me, even when she forgot why she loved me.
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