Thirty- Three Too Many

Whitney - Frankfort, Kentucky
Entered on November 24, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: death

Have you ever felt like you were all alone and there was nobody to reach out to? Unfortunately, I have. I was 16 years old and unlike the average 16 year old girl, I didn’t have that “best friend” I could call and vent to when I was going through hard times, I was alone.

The night of January 15th, I believe I conquered death. Between 7:00 and 7:30 of that morning, my mom came in my room and asked if I was going to school, I replied “No, I just don’t feel good.” She said “ok, well call me if you need anything”, and that was the end of the conversation. From 8:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. I couldn’t stop crying, and the bad part was, I was feeling worse than I ever have, even though I was taking my anxiety medicine like I was supposed to. I didn’t know why I was crying so I knew it wasn’t normal and that something was honestly wrong with me besides an anxiety disorder.

That night my mom came and asked me if I wanted to go to Wal-Mart. I was still feeling down so I told her that I just wanted to stay home. While she was gone I ended up having an anxiety attack so I took my medicine hoping that everything would be okay. But for some reason I started having racing thoughts and I was frustrated with being sad all the time. I was ready to end my life. After the first pill I took, I continued to take more and more, I couldn’t stop myself.

About five minutes after I took the last pill in the bottle, my body started shaking really bad and I got really dizzy. I finally came to the realization that I was about to die. I yelled for my step-dad and he came running upstairs and asked what was wrong. I told him that I overdosed and that I needed to get to the emergency room immediately. He called my mom and luckily she was just down the road. As soon as she pulled in the driveway I ran outside to her truck and she rushed me to the hospital.

When we arrived she told them I overdosed and that there was no time to wait in the waiting room. They sent me straight to the trauma room, and when I got in there something told me I wasn’t going to survive this.

I was so terrified because I wasn’t ready to die and the only way to survive was to drink a cup of charcoal, I couldn’t drink it so they had to stick a tube down my nose to put the charcoal in through that way. Yes, it hurt, but at this point I didn’t care what they did as long as I survived. Hours later the doctor came in and mentioned that I overdosed on thirty-three pills and that I was lucky to have survived this.

This is why I believe I conquered death. Though, this was one of the worst mistakes I could ever make in a lifetime. I don’t regret it because I learned from it. The next month I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and they gave me medicine that completely changed my life around. I haven’t had one suicidal thought since I’ve been taking my new medicine. Nothing is worth taking your life, and I had to learn the hard way to realize this.