I am not the evil Stepmother

April - East Lansing, Michigan
Entered on November 22, 2008
Age Group: 30 - 50

I believe that God has a plan for us and that all things happen for a reason. I was raised primarily by my mom after my parents divorced. I saw my dad on weekends and at his convenience. Once he remarried, I spent a bit more time with my step mom and my dad, but not too much. My stepmother hated my mom and vice versa. It was tough because I loved them both and wanted to please them both but was left with uneasy feelings more often than not. I now see that the road I traveled with a “dad of convenience” and a stepmom/mom battle was traveled in preparation of my life.

On the first date I had with my husband, he showed me a photo of a cute baby boy. He let me know that he was a dad and if I had any concerns with that, we should talk about it then and there. As I was in love already with my soon-to-be husband, I had no concerns and began to embrace my role, not as a mom but a soon-to-be Stepmom.

There are so many fairy tales about “Evil Stepmothers” and people say such awful things about my kind. I was determined to be better. Especially after the road I traveled, I never wanted my son to feel different or uncomfortable. I loved this child as my own since I first laid eyes on him.

I have always referred to him as my son, all the while walking the line of not being his “real mom”. I have held him while he was sick, kissed boo-boo’s, taught him how to tell time, read stories, and always let him know that although I was not his “real mom”, I was always someone who loved him and would love him through his entire life.

I am the one my son goes to for honest answers, non-judgment and no matter what his mom says about me and my “large backside”, I never, ever speak a bad word about her. That is his mother and I respect her role. Trust me, there are days when it is not easy to bite my tongue, I have so, so much to say. But the memories of my childhood are still fresh and I want to be a safe place for my son to be.

I believe that unconditional love, conscious efforts to parent and consistent presence are the key to being a successful stepmom. I believe that although I am not his “real mother”, I will love him like my “real son”.