New Look

Amanda - Sacramento, California
Entered on November 21, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe you have to be happy to completely appreciate life. Ever hear the quote, “live life to its fullest?” Well I believe that quote is true, but how long is life? How do you define living it to the fullest? One person’s “fullest” can be way different from another’s. This is also true with happiness. How do we measure happiness? I believe anything that makes you smile or gives you that “warm feeling” equals happiness. When I am happy, life is wonderful. I believe this because, when people are diagnosed with depression, they never want to do anything, think about suicide, and rarely smile or laugh. But when people are happy, they want everyone to know it.

When I was married, I was unhappy. There were positive moments, but the negative ones out weighed the good ones. I never appreciated anything: my husband, my job, my family, my house, and God. I was so lonely. I tried so hard to find things that brightened up my day but nothing worked. Finally I turned to my husband to make me happy. I wanted him to do everything in his power to make me happy because I was so miserable. I never let him have his own time to relax, play Madden, hang out with the boys, so he focused on me. What I wanted him to do was entertain me so I was not bored or depressed. He tried everything he could, but nothing worked. I was always angry with him. He could do nothing right in my eyes. I finally just gave up, and filed for a divorce. After the divorce I turned to my friends and family, and made them try to make me happy. It never worked. I never had a good reason to get out of bed everyday, except I didn’t want to go into debt, so I kept working. My job was an amazing job; I made people feel and look beautiful. But I looked at all the negatives, therefore lost my job. I dealt with my stress and depression through over working myself, and alcohol. I didn’t even notice that I wasn’t eating. The pain I had from my marriage, divorce, and unhappiness was affecting not only me, but the people in my life that loved me. My parents noticed it right away, but I never listened.

It has been almost two years since I have left my husband. I am currently 22 years old, and in the past three months I have look at my past and present, and really have focused on what makes me happy. I have also learned to me appreciate life. I learned that I love to make people happy, and I am my happiest when I am surrounded by positive people. I now appreciate my family, friends, job, and most importantly God. I believe you have to go through hard times to find the true meaning of life.