I believe in God as poetry. I believe in God as it swirls around and through me: God in particles, atoms and molecules that coalesce, congeal into forms that interact, arc and disassemble.
I believe God is so huge, so complex that most mortals, myself among them, cannot understand, much less have a relationship, with its entirety.
Many of my friends who are Christian or Jewish think I don’t believe in God. For years I felt I owed them some explanation or apology for saying I do. I felt they had the “rights” to the name God and that I might be offending them by saying I believe in God when we so clearly disagree on the definition.
When I make room in day, in my heart, to examine the flattened crow in the street, and move her to the garden, I am honoring God. When I stop thinking about myself and listen to my daughter’s rambling stories, I am honoring God. When I set down my groceries to watch the explosion of baby spiders from the pea sized sack of eggs under my garage window, I am honoring God. When a combination of notes makes me gasp and I let the song carry me out of my head, I am honoring God.
I know, you’re probably saying “So what? We all do that. That’s not worship.” And you’re right; its not worship. But it is reverence. And I try to live in a state of reverence, for the beautiful, the ugly, the functional, the odd, the awesome and the boring. Several times I day I notice that the mundane details of my day are God. And its not chance, I notice on purpose. Noticing God in the details, in action, in simple forms, is the cornerstone of my spiritual practice.
And yes, I DO believe there is a personality aspect to God, that is sentient, self aware and that it does indeed think about me. I’m just not able to compute that part. My literal, math head just can’t let me feel it. But it would be ridiculous for me to assume that the millions of people who are feeling it are experiencing something false. Just because I‘m not having that experience, does not mean that its not real or possible or important.
The aspect of God that I am experiencing is more like electricity, or like the ocean. Just because my eyes don’t register a part of the ocean that is thinking about me, doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in the ocean. I know its huge and powerful, creative and destructive but, for me, impersonal.
I believe in God, all of it, even the parts of it that I can’t comprehend. I am having relationship with a tiny part of God, and its huge to me.