We Are Equal Within Our Own Mistakes.

Courtney - Guston, Kentucky
Entered on November 16, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: equality

In a world judged upon body conformation, riches, and status, I honestly don’t stand a chance. I am a seventeen year old high school senior, honor roll student, a daughter, a sister, a worker, etc. I gorge McDonalds after school; I stay up late, and just happen to have a tattoo and two piercings. My mother does in fact love me, I am above the influence, and I find comfort in staying home on the weekends rather than running around. However, more specifically, I am human. Despite popular belief, error is inevitable to the human race. We all falter, we all pay the price, and we all live on.

Contrary to beliefs of an “off-the-wall” female problem, I found out I was pregnant at the young age of 15. No, I wasn’t sleeping around. I’ve come to realize half the pregnancies nowadays aren’t due to sleeping around. It was just a simple mishap of birth control that landed me in a world of hurt. I cannot exactly explain what possessed my mind to automatically switch to the “I don’t want IT” mode. Maybe it was the undying fear of humiliation of when my schoolmates realizing someone they never would’ve figured is pregnant. Maybe it was the fact that I did not want my father, who I had not spoken to in nearly 6 months, to find out that the daughter who had abruptly pushed him away for his own faults had really messed up herself. Most of all, maybe I didn’t want to realize that it was time to grow up. You do the deed, you pay the price. My mother would’ve had to quit school to help me and my life would simply be down the drain. I made the choice. I made a choice that I would forever regret, even to this day.

On November 16th, 2007, exactly a year ago from the date I am writing this, I had an abortion. I strangely had no conscious thought of what I was about to do. Everyone who knew was behind me, agreeing that it was the best thing to do. The first thing that touched me within was when a man who was coming with woman stood up for us to the protestors. He argued, “You don’t know these women. You don’t know why they’re here. You’re not these women. You don’t know the pain they’re about to go through. Please stop.” However, sitting in the office waiting to be called back, I had the strangest realization I’ve ever had in my life. I wasn’t the only person sitting there with a blank expression on my face. There were young women, older women, white women, black women, Hispanic women. Any kind of woman you could ever imagine. Some had men with them, some had friends with them, and some had their mothers with them. I then realized I was just as equal as those around me. We were all human, making a decision, a painful decision. Whether it was realized at that point in time or not, justified by a plausible reason or not, we were all making the same decision. I spent the majority of the day going through counseling with these women. Women I never could’ve pictured in an abortion clinic. Well, they probably couldn’t have pictured me in this clinic either.

Despite political affiliations concerning abortions, or the fine line between right and wrong, I believe in equality. From the time I became pregnant to the time I made my final decision, I knew exactly how these women felt. I was one of them. I was a simple human who had made a mistake, a costly mistake. There is not a day that passes that I am not haunted by this choice. It not only the only regret I have but also the most heartfelt situation I’ve ever put myself into. I am still with the guy who stood by me through it all. I know in my heart he believes in equality, too. He is yet another hushed male whose girlfriend suffered through a situation he helped create. He is another male who feels he could’ve made a difference. Men suffer just as much as women do. This just goes to show that we are all equal, creating situations, making decisions, paying the price, and most of all living on. This, I believe.