Not understanding and knowing something was different was hard, going through ups and downs was a struggle. The funny part in life was growing up. I had a loving mother, father two brothers and a grandmother that always had my back. This wasn’t the problem, as I got older I pretended to be happy, I pretended to be the best child I could be, but deep down I suffered from the fact of not believing. My grandmother always noticed something about me as I aged into a Teen, she wondered why I never played with no one; she wondered why I didn’t say much. After confessing the truth that lied beneath me she always told me to believe in my self and don’t let deceit effect you in your life. Remember, “grow from the disbelief, and live with the good thoughts.”
At the age of 16 you would think that I’m past the memory but I just dwell on the past because there is no one beside me holding me together in my battle of struggle. That’s’ where the independency comes in and I have to take control. At some point I let the matter play stronger then the mind. People in life fail to realize that you cannot always depend on other individual to help you stand on your feet. You learn from you mistakes and keep them from happening again. Ever since my grandmother departed this earth, my life took a drastic change; I’ve became more focused and separated from other. I’ve learned that friends are really not your friends and you can never trust anyone. Yes I do believe in myself and without me filling this way I might not be anything. I now know that if you go with your first instincts your future will be fine, and so far I’m enjoying mine.
So the thought lies upon me should I not care about my sibling and let him think it’s ok to feel as much pain as I felt. No wrong answer, but I try to play smart on the simple strength of him being the youngest. As I mentioned before “in life as I got older I pretended to be happy, I pretended to be the best child I could be,” I taught him from right and wrong, I let him learn the key to success, I learned to tell him that in order to be what you want to be in life you have to stay in school, stay focused so in the end I will be there to watch you pursue your career.
As I bloom into and adult I will still learn the key of being a real sister, I want to be that big sister that is loved for me. I will learn to acknowledge that I have trust in myself, finally I’m in the process of learning the key of saying I truly believe in myself. I do believe, I will believe.
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