I believe that dark, milk, white chocolate are all placebos in their own right. I believe that any horrible day can make a complete 180 by eating a piece of chocolate. I believe that if Osama Bin Laden was given a Hershey’s Kiss he would have been as gentle as a lamb. All of the infidels in Iraq would be much happier people if they could munch on a Buncha Crunch. When the going gets tough, the tough gets a piece of chocolate.
Recently, my sister-in-law’s mother passed away from cancer. There aren’t too many gifts out there to give that would make the loss of a loved one any easier to cope with. I thought that the most sincere form of sympathy would be to buy her a sappy card and a decadent chocolate bar. If my mother had died, I know I would love to have chocolate to immerse myself in. I can completely lose myself in this rich, creamy brown utopia. When there seems to be no hope, I lose my sense of reality in its thick bars of optimism. Life without chocolate is an empty, hallow shell. What is the point of living a life without heartbreak? Friends do not buy friends that are happier than themselves delicious confections.
All of our country’s war funds should go towards shipping chocolate to the terrorists of the world. Nothing says world peace like a piece of Ghirardelli dark chocolate. I believe that innocent bloodshed can be prevented, stopped, obsolete. Iraqi infidels should be humbled with the gift of assorted chocolate boxes. Chocolate is always an appropriate peace offering; it is not reserved just for Valentine’s Day. It has many antioxidants in its velvety concerto of flavors. The hungry children of the world should know the joy that a single hunk of chocolate can bring.
The only downside from eating an excessive amount of chocolate is the fear of becoming a Chocoholic. I, myself, am a Chocoholic. It proves to be a real problem; however, I wouldn’t trade my “problem” for anything else in the world. My motto has always been to do what makes me happy. If that means stuffing my face with immense amounts of chocolate, I will do exactly that. I believe that the perfect coma would be induced by chocolate, that the perfect death would be caused by chocolate, and that the perfect world would be brought together by chocolate.
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