I often ask myself, what went different, not what went wrong, but where in life did everything about me seem to skew from all the rest. Is it because be I was just born this way? I know its not my family because they are all what people would call “normal” when I know all they are is miserable. I have never doubted myself, not once. I may have seemed like I have to the ones whom watch me. Never have I been sure that I couldn’t do something. Maybe that’s what makes me different. I’ll never know.
From all the rest I feel as if I’m lying to myself to say that I’m unhappy, that life will only get better if I change one thing. I feel as though I have crossed everybody, and they see me, yet only as much as their eyes will let them. They don’t know me. They don’t know anything about me. They fool themselves by saying that they understand. How can they, its like seeing a creature for the first time and knowing its name. Impossible. I believe that the eye of society only knows me as Kelsey. A name in which I know is not my own, but what my mother called it. When I was real young I used to think to myself. Why do they call a tree a tree and why to they call the things sticking out this so called “tree” branches? To me a tree is just life, or a blessing of shade on a hot summer day.
I wish I could call myself spectacular. If I were to do so I would be lying to myself, and in knowing that fact it’s useless. Simply if you think your dreams and hopes are more than just a retreat you are lying to yourself. All I am is nothing more than everything. In the fact that I can recognize that make me special.
Diluted is what we are. Cloudy water is what we have become. Having it all is your way to happiness the neon lights say as they pass through my trail of life. The more you consume the less energy their is for your soul. The more you speak without knowledge of what your point should be the less confident your mind gets.
No longer am I annoyed by the people who lie to themselves because I know that I am internal, which is a pleasure they will never have. It is not only finding the trail leading from the heart the mind. It’s finding the bridge from life to sacredness.
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