Trust in Me.
In the Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary, trust is defined as “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something,” but what is trust, really? Why is it such an easy thing to give away, yet so difficult to hold onto? Trust is fragile and new, yet trust is worth giving. It is always present, suppressed, and never easy, but it is worth it. I believe in people; I believe we deserve trust.
“Your father is a good man,” my mother assured me yet again. “He loves you.” These words, though I never doubted these few, struck me. He loved me yes, more and better than many fathers, but I began doubting my self-worth as a daughter and an individual. Just days earlier, my father made a decision about his new wife that has since affected my trust for my short-lived life.
Being only seventeen years old, it is easy to be critical of lack of life experience that a young adult might possess, but seventeen years seems endless when trust is few and far between. When I was eight years old, my parents made a decision sixty percent of parents today have commonly chosen: to file for a divorce. At the time, the adverse effects were minimal, and had little influence on me, until a few years later, when they both remarried into new families.
In 2001, my parents finalized their plans for what seemed like two wonderful new beginnings. My mother: strong and opinionated. My father: kind and loving. These qualities, the qualities that may have pushed them farther apart, brought them closer into their new lives with new families and new beginnings. While my relationship with my mother only grew with her second marriage, my father’s only seemed to falter with every manipulated word from his brand new relationship.
Eventually, when his wife and I came to the point we could not live our lives happily together, he was forced to make a choice: he chose her.
My father has always been and always will be the best father a girl could ask for; that has never faltered throughout my life. However, at this point in time, this decision, this choice my father had made, brought me to a crossroad: stay with her and continue on a lethal path, or take my life into my own hands and make a decision on my own? This time, I chose. Since that point in my life, I began down a road of unease.
In life, there are many times that will absolutely bring us to our knees. These are the times we search for meaning and self-worth, and wonder, “how could this happen to me?” They are the times we lean on our peers, and hope that life can only go up from there. There are always those who will violate your trust and your meaning, but when those happen to be family, these times are the absolute hardest. When trust is taken for granted, it tends to lead to issues further down the road. My life’s trust issues began with my father’s decision and continued to plague my life until I dealt with it almost six years later, through a few failed high school relationships, friendships, and eventually my father. Six years of not dealing with my problems, six years of getting hurt, six years of not letting anyone in, and six years of pushing my problems out of my mind and pretending they would disappear before my eyes.
Today, I have a great love and respect for my father: a wonderful man who has earned my complete trust and has given his in return. I am in the process of dealing with my trust issues, and forgiveness is just the beginning.
We are a fragile people. We do not take events lightly to heart, and some of us do not deal with poor situations at all. We deserve the right to let people in; to not let a few issues effect us for the rest of our lives. We deserve to be treated with respect from our family and peers, and do the same in return for those who we choose to put our trust in.
We, as a people, a generation, as one human body, deserve trust.