I Moved Away from Him

Samantha - Denver, Colorado
Entered on November 11, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

After eighteen years of having no second thoughts of leaving home and venturing out into the world to learn, I have finally began to regret moving farther away from home. I have never been characterized as the girl who cries from being homesick, or the one to take shorter trips because she can’t stand being away from home. I have always been independent and, I would like to think, a very strong woman. Anytime I thought about homesickness or of changing my goals because of a man, the sudden urge to scream in frustration came upon me. Now, I find myself being housing such thoughts. Am I that girl that I detest?

Driving to Denver, Colorado from Kansas City, Missouri was a grueling nine hour drive. Every second of every minute meant I was that much farther from the person that I love. Coming home I couldn’t understand why I had decided to go so far and possibly hurt my relationship with my closest and best friend. Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. I talked to him at least twice a day. I saw him once a month. We remained to be the same close friends that we always were except now I had to determine if being attached to someone to the extent that I was to him, meant that I am no longer the woman I once was. Does relying on someone for emotional support and guidance make me less of a person? The answer was always no as long as that person was female, but now that that woman is replaced with a man, whom I am romantically involved, where does that put me now?

As a self proclaimed feminist I have finally come to realize, I still am just that. The changing of the sex of my best friend has no reflection on who I am. The fact that I rely on him as I would any friend does not make me a weak woman. I believe that my life has not taken on a new identity but instead it has begun to include more life characteristics that make me who I am. I have a best friend that will always be there and at the same time I have remained faithful to my lifelong goals of going far in life, both in my career and in location. I have always wanted to be my own person. The only thing now is that this woman has a man to call “friend”. This I believe.