Everyone Should Have Someone to Trust

Julia - Fort Collins, Colorado
Entered on November 10, 2008

I believe everyone should have someone to trust.

The ability to have a completely open relationship with someone is an amazing and wonderful thing. Everyone needs at least one person they can tell absolutely anything and know they won’t be judged. I aspire to make every one of my relationships open; no secrets, no lies, no deceit–just good old-fashioned honesty. I think if everyone viewed every relationship they have as valuable and meaningful, the world would be a kinder and more compassionate place.

I can remember a time when I was completely and utterly alone, with what felt like thousands of secrets weighing me down, drowning me in a sea of lies. Secrets I could not tell without betraying or being disloyal to one of my friends. I’m glad all my friends feel like they can trust me with anything, but carrying the secrets of more than a dozen people, combined with the dark truths surrounding my own life, almost pushed me into despair. Sure, the secrets of fourteen- and fifteen-year-olds may not seem like much, but many things in a fourteen-year-old’s life go unsaid, like how the summer they turned thirteen, they were raped at a relative’s party, or how their mother abuses and mistreats their siblings and to escape from the pain they get high, or how they become so anguished that they put themselves on the brink of death. I believe no one should have to carry all that weight alone.

Not long ago, I made a stupid mistake that is still having a negative impact on my life. I was embarrassed, and confessed what I did to someone important to me; someone close to my heart. I’m not certain what reaction I expected; perhaps disappointment, anger maybe, followed by encouragement or support. Instead the reaction was a combination of indifference and blame. After telling me it was no big deal, he went on to blame my parents, my church, and our lifestyle. It was like I was too insignificant to be worth the effort of anger. I was shocked that something so important to me was just brushed off and cast aside.

On the other hand, I am fortunate enough to know someone who will listen to anything I say without judgment. She will always care about me no matter what happens or how far apart we are. When I told her about the same mistake, she just said, “Well that was pretty stupid. What were you thinking?” The two reactions were vastly different, even though it was in response to the exact same topic. My friend was disappointed in me, but was focused on making sure I learned what I needed to, not trying to find a source of blame.

When you are drowning in that sea, there is nothing better than knowing you have a friend who will always throw you a life preserver. Having a friend like that is why I believe it is so important to trust others.