Beauty is not “my face is gorgeous, I fit into a size two pants, or boys and girls love me”. I believe that beauty is the experiences you go through. Beauty is the belief that no satisfaction is greater than accomplishing what you never thought possible. Beauty is believing in something greater than “I am gorgeous.”
Being an unattractive person in my eyes, I always thought that if I was physically beautiful, my life would be better and I would be happy. When I looked in the mirror I would cry because I felt ugly and alone. It was a reality check. From that point on, I would put on make-up and look in the mirror constantly to see if I looked good enough. I wasn’t living at all. There was an understanding that until I’m pretty and thin, I have to be stuck and be alone.
This summer has been very eye opening and the main reason behind my change in mind set was my sister. She is one of the most charismatic and charming person I’ve ever known. She attracts people from everywhere and I never understood how she did it. She doesn’t shave, wear make-up or straighten her hair. She looks like a raggedy Anne doll most of the time. But the one thing I saw in her that made her truly beautiful when I came to visit her in the summer was her freedom. If she wanted to go somewhere, she would hop on her bike and go anywhere she wanted. And she always expected me to go places with her, because she knew that I could do anything I wanted to, just like her.
I was so used to living in my boring world of Kraft macaroni and cheese, modeling shows and mirrors. To come to a place where you were constantly accomplishing something whether it be biking to the grocery store, making exotic dishes, running through sprinklers, laughing, or just feeling content was great. I never knew such freedom and welcoming.
From then on, I was determined to stay the way I was then. I started biking and cooking more. What I loved about biking was the fact that you were accomplishing something as well as seeing trees, people and life. I no longer felt the need to wear make-up. In fact, when I looked in the mirror I thought, “This might make me feel like I’m beautiful, but it’s just a phony mask. If someone is going to see me, I want them to really see me. For the first time, I felt genuinely beautiful because I was genuinely living and seeing things in a different light. I still feel ugly sometimes because at the moment my priorities are focused on do I look good? But when I come home from a bike ride, my face is as red as a tomato and each pore is like a leaky faucet, I look in the mirror and say “I’m beautiful.”
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