Finding Peace

Sakoyia - Bowling Green, Kentucky
Entered on November 7, 2008

Finding Peace

I believe that what goes around comes around. I don’t know if it is karma, (the good or bad emanations felt to be generated by someone or something) or just a state of mind, where you think about something so much that you meet your destiny in the course you take to avoid it. It isn’t always bad, sometimes things actually happen for the better. Whether it is fate or destiny, on the long and rather turbulent road of my life, it always seems to catch up with me.

I had a rather rough childhood, we weren’t the wealthiest family in the world, I wasn’t a very attractive girl, and my parents fought constantly. In the winter of 1999, my mother decided she could no longer put up with my father’s abusive ways so she packed up my three sisters and I, and we made our escape through the eight hour drive to Bowling Green, Kentucky. It wasn’t easy adapting to a new household and we definitely weren’t accustomed to the weather, so I was already having a hard time. School was definitely the fuel to the fire. When I was in Illinois, school was a sacred place, a haven of peace and serenity, a place to escape the turmoil of my home, but now it too had become the place I wanted to escape. The children were bestial, they were monsters. I myself being insecure and shattered, they broke me down and had zero sympathy. One girl in particular (I will withdrawal from using any names, as this person may be offended) made school, hell.

Everyday I came to school she tortured me, she’d call me unimaginable names, she’d make fun of me to no end, and she’d even threaten me when no one was looking. Being that she was “cool” and she was the one every girl wanted to be and the girl every guy wanted to date, all the others also engaged in bullying me. I was such a kind spirited child with low self-esteem, passive so to say, so I didn’t understand. Why is everyone picking on me? Why do they want to hurt me, I’ve never done anything to anyone. I didn’t have the audacity to stand up for myself so I endured, and found solace in my work. I would probably still be getting harassed and bullied due to my meek and rather obsequious nature, had “destiny” not stepped in and had her way.

Over a period of time I came out of my shell and opened up. I participated in school activities and made myself known to the world of my peers. I don’t know if it was what destiny had in mind, but since the beginning high school I had become one of the “coolest” teens BGHS had ever seen. I had more friends than I knew, I did rather well academically, and I don’t mean to brag but I think I had become pretty hot. I had outgrown my submissive nature and become very outgoing and confident, and I had no problem giving anyone a piece of my mind. I progressed and the turbulent road transformed into a road of tranquility and composure, but destiny wasn’t finished yet. What of the girl who found contentment in my misery? She let herself go. She had become entirely too high strung and when people who she thought were her friends began to turn away from her, she fell apart. She threw herself at the first boy who would call her pretty, or ask to hold her hand, so they used her for all she was “worth”. After a while she began to think her sexuality was all she was good for so she took advantage of it and used it as a source of pride.

Now she has no friends, no life, no goals. She craves my friendship, my acceptance, and my approval. Oh how the tables have turned.

Doesn’t destiny have a rather inscrutable way of changing things? I believe that what goes around always comes back around. I don’t know if it is karma, or just a state of mind, but it has shaped my life into what it is now. Things may not always turn out the way you want them to but they will always turn out how they were meant to.