I use to think I was one of those people who just did not really have a purpose. I felt that I would wander the earth aimlessly, and eventually keel over cold and alone in the alley outside of some dive bar with a bottle of cheap brown whiskey clenched in my grasp. I feel my two year old little girl is the only one I am attempting to be successful for. It breaks my heart to see her muscles so weak, and her physical ability so underdeveloped. Although, my hazel eyed beauty is unable to do the things other children do, her smile is a portrait of her relentless love, and I just have to believe in her.
She is my one true love, my heart, my soul, my one ray of sunshine in the dark pit of my existence. She is the only one who understands me; she can make me smile when I am feeling down. I fight to hold back the tears when I see her struggle with the slightest obstacles. She tries with all her might to take that first step, or whisper, “Dada.” She is my little trooper, throughout her life she has been the strong one, she has given me the motivation I need to carry on. When I look into her eyes and see endless possibility. She brings me new hope when the doctors are unable to diagnose her disability. She makes me so proud when she smiles, laughs and acts as if there is nothing wrong. Over the short two years of her life she has taught me to not only believe in her, but to believe in myself.
A little cross eyed, one dimple, and little curls in her hair, she is quit possibly the most beautiful creature ever brought to this world. Never hurting anyone, or wishing wrong upon another. I would say she is an angle sent down from the heavens above, but there is no possibility of a god that would wrench at the hearts of so many, and allow a lifetime of agonizing difficulty on to one of such innocence. I believe there is no guarantee when the cards are dealt, and all of us on this earth must play with whatever hand we receive.
My belief in my daughter is the most treasured aspect of my being. No matter how hard life gets, when I see my little girls smile, it brings joy back into my life. If she could tell me everything is fine daddy, she would. If she could give me a big hug and say, “daddy I love you,” she would. If she could take her little shoes, and put them by the door right next to mine, she would.