Disappointing my parents was a fear that helped me distinguish right from wrong easily and was a huge motivation to be successful in achieving my goals. Though it’s important to believe in ourselves and in our own will power, sometimes being important to another person helps strengthen our resolve.
After my parents divorced, my teenage sister did everything to torture our parents. She did what most teenagers her age would do; drinking, and staying out late. Naturally, my mom began to fear the day I would become a teenager; expecting a repetition in behavior. I was different from my sister; I still knew right from wrong and why I always wanted to choose the right thing to do. My mom; I would make the right choices for her.
I later realized that being the idealistic daughter would be harder than I imagined. I had taken on a heavier work load my sophomore year; juggling work and a challenging academic schedule was not easy. I was constantly tired and stressed out. My mom took this as a symptom and began yelling at me. “What’s wrong with you? Are you drinking?! Is it drugs?!”
My mom’s accusations didn’t help my performance in school. Then I thought, maybe I’m not that great of a student after all, mom doesn’t even believe in me. I broke under the stress of living up to everyone’s expectations after my mom voiced her doubts in my judgment. During that time, as the problems in life kept stacking on each other, I had lacked the courage to face them and ran from them instead.
I soon realized what future my actions would bring. I didn’t want to live a life where my happiness depended on what people said about me. I changed my philosophy and decided that everything I did and every decision I made would be for me. But being the only person who had confidence in myself made for a very shaky foundation, the majority wins the vote after all.
I began doing better in school. I attended school every day, with no desire to be there. It was lonely, and if I began spending time with my previous friends, I might’ve relapsed. I made new friends. They helped restore my confidence by having completely different expectations that taught me to be myself. With them, normal was making snorting noises, skipping down halls, and singing random songs. My friends lifted my insecurities and helped me smile and laugh whole heartedly again.
I had gone through life preferring to work alone. Realization that I took the people around me for granted hit when it seemed like no one cared. When I think about it now, it’s never good to be alone. One would find that it is more enjoyable living life surrounded by the people you care about. The feeling of importance and love encourages us to strive forward to the best of our abilities and to make the right choices with confidence.
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