Panties: The New Bulletproof Vest

Brandi - Thornville, Ohio
Entered on November 5, 2008
Age Group: 30 - 50

I held the damp cloth against my mother’s head as she was vomiting, telling me she had the worst headache ever and her head was likely to explode. It was then I realized she had lost all mobility on her left side. Her arm and leg were strewn out beside her like a china doll that had fallen from the top shelf. I knew what was going on but refused to admit it to myself or have the nerve to say it. She was having a stroke.

Prior to the ambulance rushing mom off for treatment she had managed to tell me about her afternoon. She had slept through the football game. This was nothing new. She laid out clothes and took a shower. When she got out her head was comprised of several cannons all firing at once. My stepdad immediately called 911. My mom then made my stepdad dress her. She did not want anyone to see her in her old ratty bath robe. She said he grabbed the bra and panties she had laid and began dressing her. I would not have remembered such a tiny detail if she had not been using multiple four letter words to describe the process of having her husband put a bra on her. It was about three minutes from the hospital that it dawned on me; she was going to live. She had a matching bra and panties on. I believe you can survive anything, if your bra and panties match.

This strange, yet useful belief started when I was about sixteen. My first job was at Victoria’s Secret. It was here I discovered Victoria’s secret; her bra and panties always match. Working in this atmosphere fostered the belief that going out anywhere with mismatched undergarments was unacceptable, irresponsible, and just plain dangerous. I learned it was an essential practice to purchase a few solid color bras and several pairs of panties that matched each one.

It was in high school gym class that my belief of always wearing a matching bra and panties was further engraved in my being. The changing area in gym class was a large open concrete room with lockers that seemed to go on forever. While changing, I noticed most girls always matched their undergarments, but a few did not. I became bothered by this. I asked one of my friends why she did not wear a matching set. She informed me that due to her large chest size, her bras had to be specially made; that meant pretty was not an option. The next day we went to the mall to get cute panties for her to match to her bras. A gesture so small made her feel pretty and less insecure about the over blessing she received in chest size. I believe there are no excuses for not coordinating.

I have tried very few times to test my belief. I would get crazy and mismatch my undergarments. This trial was very short lived. As soon as I got into my car, I would think what would happen if I get into a car accident. There are two things that could happen, yes only two. First scenario, when the ambulance arrived they may have to cut my clothes off, and when they saw my undies did not match they would refuse treatment. The second, and more horrifying option is, they would take me to the emergency room where “Trauma Life in the ER” was being filmed. The doctors would cut my clothing off exposing mismatched skibbies on national television. Neither of these options seems appealing, so it is safer to stick to my belief and always wear a matching bra and panties.

Recently my daughter developed a need for bra shopping. I purchased what I thought were cute solid color bras that could easily be matched to the panties she already owned. When I got home, she let me know the items I picked were boring. We got in the car; I was not going by myself on the second attempt at this mission. When we arrived at our destination, she managed to pick out every funky design fashion could offer. Since I wanted her to feel comfortable I allowed her to get the bras she wanted, under one condition. We now had to find matching panties to go with every single one. It was expensive; however safety had to come first. I could not send her out into this crazy world mismatched. That would be an irresponsible way to raise a daughter. A bra and panties were meant to match, no matter the age of the person wearing them.

My believe may be thought of as silly by some, however I am not sure why. If something seemingly as simple as wearing a matching bra and panties makes me feel safe, pretty, and indestructible, I should be allowed to hold to that belief. So this I believe, always wear a matching bra and panties.