Changing Beliefs

Chrissy - Reedsburg, Wisconsin
Entered on November 3, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: love, setbacks

I have never been one to believe in love. I used to believe in it; until I got hurt by the people that were suppose to love me. When that happened, I decided that love was not worth my time. I have come to the realization that love is out there and I will find it someday.

After breaking up with boyfriends in high school, I thought that love would never find me. I’ve been abused both emotionally and physically, and I’ve been pressured to do things that I don’t feel comfortable with. I had a boyfriend my freshman year in high school, that treated me like a princess for the first couple months, saying “I love you.” And being a real prince, I had sworn that I had found the boy that I wanted to be with the rest of my life. And then things changed, he started putting me down, and after we broke up he still held on to my heart. I realized that I was so young and naive my senior year, when I met a guy that treated me right. He never abused my feelings. We dated for a summer, until we both left for college, and I was heartbroken again.

The boyfriend that had abused me for almost five years goes to the same college as I do; when he finally realized that he loves me and that he was stupid for treating me that way for so long; I realized that he will never change and that I am better off finding someone new. My best friends always tell me to open up to someone and let them see the true me, but because of my trust issues I never believed that there was anyone out there that I could believe in and trust. Recently I have started to see that if I open up to someone I will see that people aren’t so bad and that I can trust some but not all.

I have seen divorce, and marriages that last forever but I never thought that I would be the type of girl that would want the marriage forever. I believe now that I do want the love that can go through fire. Hopefully someday I will find that love and be able to work through my trust issues. I might just be able to wait until I’m ninety years old to find that love, as long as I don’t settle for someone that will hurt me.