When I was 16 years old, I had to leave my Korean high school because I decided to come to America to study. It was sort of a sudden decision, so I told my friends five days before I left the school. All of my classmates were shocked and cried. They sent the story that I would leave the school to our school radio, and entire school said good-bye to me through the radio. On the day I left the school, my classmates held a surprise party for me. Since I did not expect anything like a party, I was so happy that I could cry in front of everyone, but I did not. No one blamed me for not crying, but I felt sorry for not crying since many of my friends were crying for me.
My friends and family used to tell me I do not cry in front of people. I knew that, and I meant not to cry if there was someone because one day I realized that crying in front of people is embarrassing and miserable. Since I hid my sad feelings, I started to hide all the emotion. When I was sad, angry, or happy, I didn’t show my emotion because I thought it was shameful because it meant I could not control my emotion. However, recently I changed my belief because of one of my friend
Few weeks ago, we had a very sad thing happened in our school. Two boys were in a car accident, and one of them passed away. The head of school reported the news in front of all students. I was extremely shocked and scared because it was the first time that I met friend’s death. Many of the students were weeping and sniffling away in the theater even though they were not directly related to him. Everyone’s eyes had already turned red. My eyes started to become wet, but I held tears as I always did. Next day, I realized my best friend was not in the class because of the sadness. She did not have close relationship with him, but she showed her sadness through her tears. She could not concentrate on her life for few days, and she was exhausted and scared. My other friends and I tried to make her laugh, but she became sad in just few seconds. She called me or came to my room if she becomes sad again. She really showed all of her feeling to her friends and family.
What my friend did was sort of a shock to me. I have never seen a person who is emotional as like her. She had no fear to show her feelings even though she was afraid of what happened. I realized what I believed before was wrong. I was lying to other people about me. I made fake feeling because I felt embarrassed. However, showing my feelings is not a shameful thing to do. It is a better way to communicate with other people. Even though I still have some trouble showing whole emotions, I am getting better in expressing my feeling. Now, I believe in showing emotions to other people.
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