Memories Last Forever

April - Blountville, Tennessee
Entered on October 28, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: death, legacy, love

Memories Last Forever

Life is a constant battle that we all struggle with. Hardships may arise and difficult times may come our way. It is during these times that the small things in life can lift the spirit and make life worth living. It is the small things in life such as sweet memories that can pull us through at a time when we’re at our darkest and lowest point. For this reason I believe that memories last forever.

It’s been one year and two months since that day. The day that my world was turned upside down. No words can attempt to express what I felt that Sunday morning when the phone rang and I was given the news that my fiancée, Justin, had been killed earlier that morning in a motorcycle wreck. Indescribable anguish flooded over me. For the first time I understood the meaning crying until you can cry no more. I honestly don’t know how I made it through alive the first couple months. Nerve pills, although excellent, only temporarily masks the pain. Over the next months I experienced many emotions, some of which I had never experienced before. One such emotion was grief, a much deeper feeling of sadness. My view of life, the way I look at things, and to some degree my personality has changed since my tragic experience.

Today, just when I think I can no longer fight the storm I’m in, I recall the good times Justin and I shared together. Although short-lived, the memories of Justin are what help me move on with life. Sometimes out of the blue a song or something else will trigger a memory that brings a smile to my face. Long motorcycle rides on back roads, the wonderful aroma of RSVP by Kenneth Cole, double dates at Texas Roadhouse, Friday night movies, floodlights, “goodnight” texts, butterflies of the stomach, church on Sunday, wedding cake icees from Beach Hut, the white Chevy Dually truck, listening to Gary Allan songs, races at Lonesome Pine Racetrack, fishing, the sound of the Honda CBR coming up the driveway to pick me up, the smell of gasoline that clung to our clothes, and the sweetness of “hellos” and “goodbyes” are just some of the many memories that might not mean much to someone nor make much sense, but mean the world to me.

The Bible says that life is but a vapor that cometh but quickly vanishes. From my experience I hold this to be true. I have learned that life is too short so take time to enjoy the small things in life. Cherish life and those you love. Treasure every special moment and memory. Let every goodbye count for it might be your last. I never got the chance to…

I cannot say that this experience has made me stronger as many have said it would. I am at a point where bitterness and trying to understand take captive of my thoughts and emotions. Maybe with time and healing things will change. This experience has however opened my eyes. I no longer view love as unrealistic and unobtainable, but as a joyful experience and a reason that life is worth living. It is this hope of finding love again that keeps me going. I realize that no one will ever take the place of Justin but my heart is open for another to start anew and share new memories with.

My faith my falter and my view on life may alter but my memories will never change. Memories give us strength and a hope in our weakest hour. Memories last forever. This I believe.