I believe there is no existing higher source of power. I can’t force myself to conform and believe in something I’ve never seen proof of existing. It’s more than scientific reasons that make me feel this way; I have never seen any proof of a so called savior. In fact, it is the thought of an invisible savior that drives me from religion. I’ve never personally felt embraced by a God; however, I have felt pain and suffering, I have seen it in great amounts, and I’ve witnessed no change.
I grew up a Christian, and my entire family is Christian. I had never questioned why I was or what it even really meant for me to say that. I remember sitting in church one morning, listening to the preacher and staring at the picture of Jesus Christ on the wall. My uncle had just been killed in an explosion at the Radford Arsenal, my mom was diagnosed with MS not even a month later, and I remember a point sitting there when it all just seemed so fake to me. My head was swarming with these questions; it was clouded with these thoughts. But it all seemed so clear to me, and that was when I began to believe there is no God.
I couldn’t understand how I was all of a sudden looked down on by everyone, including my family, for my thoughts. Even though I’m still the same person as before, why do they look at me like I’m so lost? I’m not. I remember the religious lecture, God says to love everyone for who they are, accept them for it and do not judge them because they are different. I am the same person. I do not think I am lost. I am content. We are not so different except I get to sleep in on Sunday mornings.
I do not understand how there could be a God watching over our every movement, but refusing to put an end to the hard times. My grandma, who read the Bible for hours every night and spent every Sunday morning in church, had her house burned down a couple months ago. I could not understand how she was so convinced that God had done it for a reason. What kind of God could sit back and watch as she had everything she ever worked for taken from her? Or better yet, what kind of reason could He possibly have for doing that to someone who had devoted their entire life to their savior? If He is so almighty why not lift a finger to put an end to the genocide in Darfur, or Aids in Africa, stop 9/11, or the war in Iraq and its increasing death toll?
I don’t see the world any darker than anyone else; I always take time to appreciate a colorful sky, a full moon on a starry night or the way the cool breeze sways the tall grass in a hay field. I am not evil or bitter; I love my life and I am very happy. I love my family and my friends; I wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world. And I can be this way without the need of feeling comforted by thoughts that someone is watching over me, or looking forward to an afterlife because I am making the best of the only life that I have. Some day I may feel differently, but right now I feel certain that God does not exist.
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