About three years ago I was diagnosed Lupus and Fibromyalgia. Until the diagnose I thought I was losing my mind, I thought I was losing control of my body. My days were filled with joint pain and my nights were restless. I thought I would protect myself, and the ones that I loved by closing myself off. I became silent, withdrawn trying to learn more about the disease that was at what I thought at the time was killing me. The more I read the more confused and convinced of what I had to do.
I used every excuse in the book to find reasons for the break-up of the 4 year relationship I was in. I thought I was protecting him. I thought he deserved better then someone falling apart. Yes, my planned worked and we did separate.
For this reason I kept my children close, I focused on them. I threw myself into work to keep myself busy, and the medicine they had me on didn’t make me feel like a very social person. The last thing I wanted, the last thing I was looking for, was a relationship. I managed to be a bartender and didn’t drink or, for that matter, go out on my days off. One of the joys of that type of work is. I was asked out a lot, and I wasn’t interested. In the back of my mind I would think if they only knew, they wouldn’t be asking. I wasn’t giving people a chance. I didn’t want to sacrifice myself. But in every great story there is always that one guy.
The funny thing about this guy was he bugged me. He was ruthless always asking me out (which I thought was the Jack & Coke talking). Even his sister tried to talk on his behalf. I wasn’t buying it to me it was just another person I didn’t want to know me. But then, I found out he left, for a couple of months on business. I would ask his sister how he was doing, and then she said announced he was returning. I was looking forward to seeing him (but I still won’t admit that to him).
I’m grateful for second chances, because missing him made me want to get up and stop feeling sorry for myself. I stopped working at the bar and I decided to go out for a much needed time out with friends, and I ran into him. This time I decided to trust him. Why? I still don’t know, but I’m so happy I did. Well this is a story that is still being written every day. I know this: I am so glad I went out and that he was still interested. I believe in him, he so understanding, and on some days I think he is the best medicine for me.
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