I believe you can return from rock bottom. I believe that you can change yourself from the weakest person you know to the strongest with just will-power. I know anyone can do this because I have.
When I was younger I had a weight problem, I was the fat kid in the class. I stayed in this stereotype all the way into high school. It really bothered me and I had an extremely bad view of myself. It was truly toxic to my health. I suffered from depression and body dysmorphia, which manifested themselves in OCD compulsions. I would count things, wash my hands, and check to make sure doors were locked to get my mind off of other thoughts. I hated myself in entirety. I hated the way I looked and I hated my personality. I found myself ugly and fat and I saw myself as a selfish, bad person. I remember telling myself things that no one would have actually ever said, they were so mean, and yet I said them to myself. There were several occasions of crying fits, and being completely paranoid that every time someone was laughing, they were laughing at me. This state slowly got worse over a two-year period until I hit rock-bottom and started contemplating suicide. Sometimes when a car went by I would think how easy it would be to just walk in front of it. Like I said, I was sick then, that is obviously not normal or healthy.
Then, suddenly, each day got easier, I started to give myself a break. I started seeing that everyone had flaws, not just me. Each day I grew to like myself a little more until I reached the point where I am now, loving myself. It was a long hard journey. There are so many days that could have put me back in that hole, but I decided that I was better than that. I have had my heart crushed on multiple occasions, had horrible days, felt totally alone since I started getting better. Yet, each time I had “one of those days,” I would just tell myself that I still have tomorrow, and I will make tomorrow better. Each day was an uphill battle, but it was worth every second. I have grown into a strong, self-sufficient person; I have beaten the worst enemy on earth, myself. I have survived.
I now realize how important everyday is. Once you grow above wishing your life was over you realize how beautiful sunsets are, and how precious every day is. This essay has a lot of shock factor, but my hope is that someone may read this and realize that my story is their’s, and take steps to get better. Don’t be like me and wait to get better. I wasted time I could have used to be happy with. Grow from your lowest of lows, and come back from knocking on death’s door.
However, I believe you can overcome this, because I did.
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