She Saved Me

Sara - Marietta, Georgia
Entered on October 23, 2008

I believe in many things. The power of God. The existence of heaven and hell. Limitless passion. Mind-numbing fear. True love. I believe in myself; who I am and who I am meant to be. I have a good life; friends, family, comfort, food, shelter, and everything I could possibly imagine I would ever want. By writing this essay I do not want to sound pessimistic or ungrateful because that is not true, but I recognize that my life has not been perfect and I have faced serious loss in the past. The stories I am about to tell cause me great pain, and seem more like movies than my life, but only through suffering that pain was I allowed to learn and grow as a person.

My step-sister Mary and I were best friends until she moved to Florida, when I was in 8th grade. I had to respect the decision that she made even though I thought it was wrong. How could I let my step-sister, my best friend, move to Florida to live with these horrid people; the monsters in my nightmares? I believe they stole her from me and the rest of my family. They maliciously brainwashed her and drove her to horrid conclusions that were the farthest thing from the truth. Unfortunately, when I say “they,” I mean her birth mom and her new husband, and when I say “brainwashed,” it is not an exaggeration. Now to save you from boredom and myself from reliving the pain of this horror story, I’ll give you the short version.

Though it may seem impossible to brainwash someone it can be done when evil intentions are involved. Mary and my other step-sister, Eva, were burdened with a complicated and painful past, which I am not inclined to share. To my dismay, Mary’s mom was able to coax Mary back into that dreadful world of rape, kidnapping, and lying. Now, even five years later, I have not talked to Mary, but last I heard she dropped out of high school, lives in a double wide trailer, and became a horse whisperer, whatever that means. Despite my best efforts to remember my Mary, my best friend, I can only recall the last thing she said to me, “You will never save me or convince me to come back, so don’t bother.” Even now I can still hear her voice cutting through me as my best friend walked out of my life forever.

This story is the most personal thing I could have written about for this essay and I probably should have written about something less depressing and more light-hearted. Though the story maybe unbelievably sad nothing else in my life has affected me with such and intensity, so I chose this topic to write about so I can tell you what it is I believe.

I believe in many things. God. Passion. Fear. Love. It is only because of Mary that I believe in myself. She challenged me on such a deep, personal level that I never thought I would recover. Though she caused me an insurmountable amount of grief and travesty by leaving; in a way she managed to save me. I know no matter how many times I try to explain it will never come out right, but I believe they saved me from myself. Before any of this happened I believed that life was perfect and there was no evil in the world and that nothing could harm me. This might be a pleasant way to live, but it is hardly rational or realistic. Mary opened my eyes to a world of things that I used to choose to ignore and it is because of her I want to be a psychologist and the best person that I can possibly be. It is because of Mary I try to be the best friend I can by always being there when people need me, sort of as a crutch. As I type these words I can hear the critiques my family and friends would say if they were to read this essay, but I cannot help that I feel this way even if my feelings are not as clearly expressed as I would like. I am simply at a lack of words at how much Mary truly shaped who I am and what I believe. It is this I believe; that no matter how bad life seems friends and the love and support they give you can lift you out of any darkness you cannot seem to escape. It is this that makes me believe that I will be anything to anybody as long as they need me. I recognize that this life philosophy does not make much sense as it is written on this paper, but it does not matter as long as I continue to live by this philosophy.