Dirty Brain: A Personal Account of Brainwashing

Hilary - Swansboro, North Carolina
Entered on October 22, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

I remember it like it was yesterday. There I was: a young girl of fifteen years draped over the toilet, shaking from too many tears, and hyperventilating. I can still hear my mother screaming over me, “Hilary! What’s wrong with you? Do I need to put you in a mental hospital?” Those were some of the most hurtful words I had ever heard in my life, but they were true, I had a problem. My problem was more common than one would believe, especially those who also have shared it. Like most problems people face, it is hard to acknowledge your internal conflict to yourself and others. I know I am not the only person who has experienced this; it is thriving today, all over the world: brainwashing.

I swore to never speak of his name again. He had me hypnotized, that’s for sure. By the constant peer pressure, blackmail, harassment, and threats, I had committed all the “bad stuff” that I had promised myself to never act out. Slowly (because I always contested), he convinced me that these horrible antics were normal, even though I always knew I was morally degrading myself. My parents and teachers were aware of what was happening to me; they urged me to abscond from this abusive relationship. I was young, naïve, and brainwashed; even though I was punished, lied to my friends and family, and suffered from mild depression, something held me back from fleeing. Hate has very strong connotations, and I know that I felt (and feel) every one of those connotations towards him. I cannot describe how this person made me feel, but I know that I was trapped, I was brainwashed. Six months of my life had been wasted and I will never be able to get them back.

As I mentioned earlier, I know I am not the only person that has ever been brainwashed. Brainwashing is alive and kicking in today’s world such as in: religious cults, religion in general, politics, the military and pop culture. People who are being brainwashed do not realize what is happening to them nor would they admit it even if they were aware. For me, it took spontaneously moving to another county to get away from the madness.

Although I had to move to a new town and new school in the middle of my high school career, I knew that it was definitely for the best. I got the chance to start over in a place where no one knew my past. I also believe that everything happens for a reason, and this unfortunate situation had to happen to me so I could be where I am now. Currently, my life is the best that it has ever been and I am thoroughly appreciative. I hope that anyone who is being brainwashed will come back to reality and save their selves from further detriments. I have found that life feels so much better with a “dirty brain.”