What is love? Is it a sexual passion or desire? Is it soft warm feelings toward a certain person? Love is a mystery and it has all different meanings to people, which can never be solved. Who knows what it really means, because it can tear you up inside or make you fall into it. I have been trying to figure out what it is about and how it really feels. For almost eighteen years I did not experience it until the day I met a boy. The experience with him made me believe that love can cure.
I fell in love with a boy on a sunny day in early March. His name was Brandon and he was the most beautiful person I ever met. He was such a beautiful thing to me that just glowed so divine to me. On the inside, he was so kind and caring while his beauty was so heavenly. The way he talked melted my heart. He had the ability to be so amazing. His eyes were blue, which seemed such like a jewel and his facial structure was so masculine with a touch of softness to it. His lips seemed so tender that makes me want to kiss them softly with passion. My own imperfections didn’t stop him from loving me because he was very gentle. He was the liveliest, remarkable person I have ever met. He had a heart of gold; the biggest heart I ever felt. Yes, I fell in love…
Everything was perfect until the beginning of July. He delivered the most tragic news I have ever heard in my life. Acute Myelogenous Leukemia cursed him, slowly killing him on the inside. Why leukemia? Why would someone so angelic get such an evil thing? It happened, but I didn’t give up because I knew he would try his hardest to overcome it. I cried thinking that the world was going to crash any second and everything would not be the same anymore. Not wanting me get hurt in the future, he tried to force me out of his life without harm. There was no way I could leave him like that, so I stayed with him to help him get through it. I spoke those words to him, “I think love can cure”, and at that time I strongly believed in that statement. Hope was what I gave him. That moment was when he knew instantly that we would be together for a long time and maybe get married one day because nobody he knew would do such a thing. Angel was what he called me; I was sent to him to help him get through the tears and discomfort.
He brought up what I said to him earlier, “I keep thinking about what you said, ‘I think love can cure anything.’ I think it’s true…but can you promise me not to leave me?” I pinky promised, which was his favorite type of promise. Over the next few months, I noticed how much faith he had; how happy he became, and how much spirit he showed. He brought happiness to the world. His confidence to win the battle and his endurance inspired me and everybody around him. I thought about how much love gave him strength, slowly draining away his fears. He was a fighter with no hair to overcome his worst enemies, the cancer and depression. He was fighting until October 16th, 2008, eight months since I first met him. I received an unusual text messages from his sister through Brandon’s phone. Tears rolled down uncontrollably and I collapsed when I read, “He’s not going to make it. He’s going to die…the chemo was too powerful and his brain was malfunctioning, he didn’t have much time to live.” I wanted to be there to see him for last time before he closed his gorgeous eyes forever, but I was too late. His mother mentioned that he woke up that morning, in pain, telling her that he knew it was his time to go and spoke his last goodbyes weakly. That replayed in my mind over and over and left me broken and torn. How could he knew? How? I threw the pillow across my room with words, “Love didn’t cure him”, booming in my mind.
I know I said I believe love can cure. It did cure him, and it cured me. If I left him and didn’t love him anymore, he would have suffered and seen that there was nothing left in the world. My undying love for him dried his tears, held together his hope, made his sickness bearable, and brought joy and laughter into the last time of his life. His world was filled with warmth instead of coldness, creating a better place for him. Knowing that he was loved and cared for, he died with happiness. He would bring warmth and passion with him wherever he went and cherish it. Other than curing him, his unconditional love guided me through the darkness to find the light. He loved me for who I was when I thought nobody would love me because of my flaws. He made me realize that I am an amazing person, and I deserve happiness more than anything in the world. Because of him telling me that I am beautiful, I finally love me who I am and accept every imperfections that I have. He put the fiery passion in my heart to be open, to love, and realize that love is not scary like I thought it would be.
Hope, love, happiness, and faith were what he gave me. It healed my spirit from the past and created strength in me. He was a miracle to me, always a miracle. I’m very thankful that I spent those eight months with him. They were the best times of my life. He taught me so much, and I helped him through his last moments on Earth without pain. I will always remember him, not as my boyfriend, but as my guardian angel. I grasped the promise ring that I was too late to give him in my hand, knowing that his spirit may rest in heaven watching me. I thank him for everything and his powerful love. I don’t think love can cure; I know love can heal.