A Beautiful Me

Brooke - Missouri City, Texas
Entered on October 21, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

A Beautiful Me

I have dealt with manic depression ever since I was a little girl and never got a complete diagnosis until I was 13. I always felt isolated and alone, ugly and boring, my mind set changed in the summer of 2007. This is what I believe; I believe that every girl should see herself as beautiful.

Around the end of July, I had a mental breakdown. I had stopped taking my medicine and started thinking to myself,

“I’m not wanted by anyone here, why can’t I just give up and die?”

I began to plan my suicide. I was found by my mom, or so I’ve been told. I rode in an ambulance, or so I’ve been told. I had my stomach pumped, or so I’ve been told. From what I’ve been told, I was violent, angry, and uncontrollable.

Everything in my mind is still a blur until early that morning when I find myself laying in a bed that is not my own. I start to cry. I didn’t care about the rough sheets or the thin mattress, I just wanted to die. I soon realize there is someone else in the room with me. She is in the bed across from me, sitting up and reading.

“You know it will be alright.”

“No it won’t be alright, it will never be alright.”

I hated that word, alright, why couldn’t someone tell me that I would get better. She walks over and sits on my bed and starts talking and talking and it seems like she’ll never stop. She introduces herself as Destini and tells me about where I am, the other kids on the ward, her attempted suicide, and much more that I couldn’t keep in my brain.

Over the next week, I went to group and single therapies and liberated my self from my past demons. I started to see some great abilities in myself that I had never found before; how I had compassion for others; and how I could always cheer up other people. No matter what I remember from that week I’ll always remember Destini and how she helped me find my inner, and outer, beauty. This is what I believe; I believe that every girl should see herself as beautiful.