There are many actions in life today, which are frowned upon by the masses here in our fine nation. Some look down upon public displays of affection, while others raise their eyebrows at obnoxious cell phone users. There are very few actions, however, which will draw the ire of onlookers as much as flatulence. Passing gas in public is one the greatest taboos of our society. I believe, however, that it is important to cut the cheese loud and proud. These viscous vapors do more than pollute the air; they embody important character traits seldom found in the world today.
First of all, cutting the cheese reveals a sort of inner peace of an individual. It shows that a person is very comfortable, having very little regard for the opinions of others. Secondly, releasing the ferocious fumes represents an act of defiance against authority. For some, passing in gas in public is more than a function of the body. It is a way of blowing the horn on the oppression of “The Man.” Finally, the production of this atrocious aroma expresses one’s pride in his or her work. After all, many hours were spent on it, so why not share it with others?
Like many things in life, however, this proclamation carries an important disclaimer. There are three guiding principles. The first is that it is inadvisable to relieve oneself in a bathtub or hot tub. The smell seems to become amplified as it passes through the water, making it almost unbearable. The second principle is to avoid tooting in the presence of one’s significant other or potential in-laws. Once nuptials are finalized, however, this principle no longer applies. The third and final principle is the most important. This simply states that one should not fart after enjoying Chinese or Mexican foods. This often leads to a very messy situation, producing inadvertent states of matter in one’s trousers.
In conclusion, it is important to respect the virtues inherent in cutting the cheese. When you hear someone let loose and feel compelled to anger, stop to consider that they should not be looked down upon. They should be applauded for their maverick spirit, for it is this type of individual who is the catalyst for change in the world.
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