Believe in Faith

Jacqueline - san antonio, Texas
Entered on October 19, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

Believe in Faith

I find myself lost at times, wondering what I’m doing with my life and how exactly everything’s going to end up. I may be young but I can honestly say I’ve been through a lot I don’t have many beliefs anymore. Its simple I don’t set myself up for failure and I don’t expect or ask for much. I’ve loved and lost, fought and cried, I’ve felt so miserable to the point where I feel there isn’t anything worth holding on to. But in all that madness the one thing that does keep me going is faith. I truly believe in faith.

My mom came to San Antonio looking for a better life. She left me with my grandma just until she had everything stable and a good school for me to attend. I didn’t understand at the time but I knew she loved me, so she would be back for me. But, for some reason, my heart felt so empty and heavy that day. A few weeks later I was beginning to get very ill. The bones on my body were visible and I was pale. The color had faded away from my face and my stomach was huge. My grandmother started to worry so she called my mother hoping she would know what to do.

The next day we left for San Antonio. It was the longest four hours of my life. At two am that morning I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My body had started attacking itself it had slowly began to shut down. For some reason God chose for me to have a second chance at life. Of course I didn’t understand any of this before but as I get older the lessons that have been thrown at me sink in. Answers I don’t have, but I do have plenty of faith, Faith that I’ve learned to believe in.

As one chapter of my life opens another slowly begins. I like to believe that I’ve fallen in love but I’m afraid that I find myself doubting that it ever really was true. My world revolved around him, the feeling that filled my heart was all I needed and ever wanted. Our hearts slowly drifted apart and nothing in this lifetime could ever wash all the hurt away. Faith had its own path in store for me and it was a bittersweet ending to my graceful downfall. All though I am thankful I got to feel what most people in there life time never get to.

I like to think that faith plays a big part in my life; it always has and always will. Whether it’s getting diagnosed with a disease or falling madly in love for the first time. To others it may just be a silly word or something that the world pulled out of mid air but to me it’s my belief. Its more than just a word, it’s a place, a feeling, a sense of worry free happiness soon to come. I want to push myself to great heights, be the dancer I want to be and make the grades I should be making without my mom having to tell me so. I want to be better than my friends might say. I want faith to tell my story.