In my elementary school years I never thought happiness existed. I spent days walking alone around the perimeter of the private school playground. I didn’t feel abandoned, deserted. I just felt like an empty shell, living needlessly, without a purpose. Every one underwent isolation like this. I just knew it. But as I looked around, something occurred to me. Near the swings, a pair of boys were beaming, enjoying themselves. I turned around; two girls were smiling over Barbie dolls in the sandbox. Everywhere I looked people were smiling. Why didn’t I smile?
In middle school, I was fortunate enough to meet the only person who could’ve guided me out of my lack of inclusion with others. At first, I somewhat ignored him, but he didn’t give in, and we eventually became best friends. We shared common hobbies and were as close as brothers. I couldn’t have been more thrilled with life. My loneliness was a childish thing of the past. An email, a few years later, while our friendship was only beginning, tore my heart apart.
“I have some bad news. My mom said we are moving to Kansas after the school year is over.( Sickening, eh? Man, my friends at orchestra are going to die when they find out. Just? kind of keep it a secret, okay? I hope you’re not too devastated. Call me later and I will give you more details.
Your Best Friend, John
I felt like a part of me was left in John’s car that was driving hundreds of miles away. Slowly, events began to reverse. Slowly, familiar feelings of confusion, uncertainty began to appear, seclusion from others, I seldom made eye contact with people in my own classes. I felt myself slipping back in to my elementary years, becoming a lonely child, the very thing I had once mocked.
Now I look at myself today. I’m the equivalent of myself in my elementary grades. But in between those two chapters of time, I realized how amazing the experience it is to make a friend and how terrifying to experience a separation, the splitting of souls from one supposed undying friendship. Being able to smile, to laugh, I could actually benefit from living through pain. I appreciated the fact that I had a meaning, my life was of worth. And out of all this chaos and madness, I will conclude with one recommended piece of advice: No one can live alone.
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