I believe my head hurts.
I believe that if you are thinking, you are moving. I believe that segues are overused but underappreciated. I believe that any insult worth spouting needs at least 3 weeks of preparation, and the proper instruments to detect whether the context is correct. I believe that learning how to play violin isn’t worth my time. I believe the kerchunk sound that staplers make is more amusing than any music. I believe that there must be some sort of adhesive under my keyboard, because all the refuse stuck under there won’t come off. I believe that I’ve never used that little nub in the middle of the keyboard to move my mouse accurately and can’t seem to learn how. I believe that life is about three reference manuals shorter than we make it, but you need to read the rest of them really well.
I believe that “interwebs” is a word, and should be in the dictionary. I believe that if you put it on Youtube, they will come. I believe that absolute anonymity corrupts absolutely. I believe that if nobody calls you an idiot for what you’re saying, you’re not making enough of a point. I believe that compliments are fleeting, but insults are forever. I believe that guilt is a great motivator in a pinch. I believe making fun of yourself should be a requirement in a job interview.
I believe that if you chase perfection, you’ll find that it’s always a bit faster than you. Although, I believe that if you can still see it, every step toward it is a step in the right direction. I believe that the right direction is full of sharp turns and poorly labeled signs. I believe that people put more thought into following directions than writing them. I believe that verbatim always gets it completely right or completely wrong. I believe having to choose lesser evil isn’t worth your time. I believe Cthulu should be an acceptable write-in candidate.
I believe that Episcopalian is fun to say. I believe that people should wake up and smell the coffee. I believe coffee smells great, but tastes horrible. I believe if you say something that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, consider what else you might have swallowed. I believe that palate cleansers don’t have any taste. I believe that taste is in the eye of the beholder. I believe that if you don’t see the light, try looking in the dark, there might be a flashlight there. I believe that darkness is conducive to thought. But, I believe that just thinking about anything won’t get you very far, but it will keep you moving, just don’t trip in the dark.
I believe that almost all conclusions are cliché. I believe that if you can’t come to a conclusion, your thoughts aren’t moving you very far. I believe that words don’t make you think, you do. I believe I need some water after saying all of that.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.