Loosing myself

Sara - Marietta, Georgia
Entered on October 17, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

As Robert Frost once wrote A Road Not Taken, “I shall be telling this with a sigh, somewhere ages and ages hence: I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” Lucky for Robert Frost, he figured out who he was right when the “two roads diverged”. However, some people are not so lucky. They lose themselves. Society turns them into someone they never wanted to be. With this feeling of loss, they begin to search for the path that they were once traveling before society shifted their course.

My parents have influenced me. Their voices are drilled into my head. Their voices have overpowered my own. I can no longer hear myself screaming to stop this overpowering madness. Their goals for me suddenly became my priority. I lost the person I was. And when I look at myself now, I see a confined person. I see someone afraid to take risks because she might be rejected by her parents. I did not want to become this. Because as a child, I definitely told myself to forget who I was and follow my parents in their quest to take over my life and I look back and ask When? How? Where? in my life did I lose myself. Then I think back to one moment:

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” asked my parents

“I do not know yet.” I proclaimed.

“Be a pediatrician. You love kids. This will be the perfect job for you.” My parents exclaimed.

Young and stupid, I followed my parent’s advice. I told myself to become a pediatrician. I even believe myself most of the time because I have played it up so much with the “I love children and I want to take care of them.” phrase. However, how do THEY know what the perfect job is for ME? Should I not be able to choose my own future? Afraid to follow my own path, they took over me because they thought that is what I wanted. However, what I really want is to learn music. I want to become a music manager. When I hear music, I hear stories. When I listen to the beat of the bass, I feel my heart pumping to the rhythm. Music removes me from the world and my problems. It lets me get away for a while. Secretly, I have even written songs of my own. However, I fear to sing or share my songs. But I need to forget the fear of rejection. I need to take a risk a share that musical side of me that no one knows.

But in time, I will find that courage to be me, to be the person I want to be. I will Stop. Think. Question if this is in my heart. And tackle society with my true self. By doing so, only then can my fake mask be removed and my soul open to the world.