This I believe

Josh - San Antonio, Texas
Entered on October 16, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: carpe diem

This Is Believe

You never know what you have until it’s gone… live life to the fullest I’ve always been told. I’m not in to religion all that much, even though I come from a catholic family, but I do believe in a higher “power” and that things usually happen for a reason. I never take any day I have for granted because you never know what could happen. I’ve gone through many tragedies in my life, some I wish I could just go back in time and made sure they would have never happened.

In reality, I should have 3 siblings. When I was around 8 years old, my mom was pregnant with her first daughter and what would have been my first sister, Lauren Nicole. For the whole nine months I was so excited, I anticipated every day knowing that some day that big bulge in my mom’s stomach would eventually bring a child out into the open. It wasn’t until one day at a Doctor’s appointment when something didn’t seem well, and my mother walked out crying. I didn’t know what to think at the time, as I had know idea what was going on. We were in the car driving home and my mom was on the phone with my dad, speaking in Spanish so I wouldn’t be able to understand what they were talking about. Her voice I could tell though was shaky with every word that came out of her mouth, like she wanted to just ball out crying. I knew something was up, but I just didn’t know what.

September 17th, 2000, the day I won’t forget. The day my sister was born. The same exact day she was pronounced deceased as well. It’s a memory I do not like to dwell on, but it’s always in the back of my head when ever I think about it.

Mother became pregnant again with another girl and on August 3rd, 2001, my sister Haley was born. I wonder sometimes about the whole situation, about the reason my first sister was not “chosen” to live, but my second sister was. It wasn’t until on February 25th, 2005, when my brother Michael “Jack” Christian was born, is when it hit me. Maybe things were suppose to go the way they happened? I know that even if my first sister Lauren had been born, my brother “Jack” would have been born at the some point down the line. My sister Haley most likely would not have existed if the events went the way they were planned. But then, things never go the way they are planned in life…that’s something I’ve had to find out the hard way.

In a positive outlook, I’ve tried looking at it like this. I love my brother and sister with all my heart and, yeah, they get on my nerves and push my buttons a lot of the times, but in the end I would never trade them for the world. Do I believe in things happen for a reason? Yes I do. Do I believe in living the life to the fullest? Yes I do. Do I believe in keepings things that matter to you most close to you? Yes I do.