I am loved

Mackensie - Granite Bay, California
Entered on October 14, 2008

“Will you promise not to forget me?” I spluttered through tears. “Oh Shut up Mackensie” my best friend muttered as he hugged me. My life had never been as melodramatic as that moment yet I had never understood how much I loved him until that sappy soap opera of an instance. I have been loved, this I believe.

The beginning of our friendship wasn’t anything miraculous it wasn’t even a moment to recollect. It was ordinary and for some reason we were slowly nudged in to one another’s lives. He was hard headed and I was slightly ignorant. He would argue and I would sigh. I would say dumb things and we would debate. I am a firm believe in “birds of a feather flock together” and yet here we were two seemingly impossibly different people thriving off of one another.

The night he left for college was overwhelming. He was hosting a goodbye party and all the friends I admired were present. As the night got later and curfew dawned closer each farewell was as painful as the next. I watched him embrace my friends one by one and it tore me up because I knew it would eventually be me.

At midnight my Mom called, telling me to come home. “I’ll be home in a minute” I replied stonily, just to suffice her. All of my friends had left and I just didn’t know how to fit all of my gratitude for this boy into a quick hug and muttered goodbye. I couldn’t. We sat next to one another as minutes rolled into hours. With silent tears rolling down my face I stared at a human being whom I loved so wholly.

I knew nothing would ever be the same between us. Our differences would finally catch up to us. He would be attending Tufts College in Boston and I, Brigham Young University-Idaho. Our opportunities would draw us apart.

That last hour we cried in each other’s arms, just as always our love reciprocated. We knew this was an end and in those last pensive moments I realized to what extent I cherished him.

My best friend will never be the man I will marry or anything of the sort but he taught me so much. He taught me that it is ok to love selflessly because if it is really worth it someone will love you selflessly back.

I still do not fully comprehend the impact of our friendship or why it had to take this distanced course. All I know is the pain I feel now and the gratitude and deep respect that comes of it. I am loved, I have and will be loved, and this I believe.