Consequences of our Decisions

Nicole - Randolph, Maine
Entered on October 9, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe the decisions we make not only affect ourselves, but they will also affect those around us.

From the time I was born until I was three it was just my mom, my older brother, my grandparents, and I. My grandparents were my caretakers when my mother was not home, and they spoiled me, as grandparents do. When I was three, they moved down the road from us, being sure to never be far away if we needed them. I remember the phone call my grandmother made to my mom to tell her that my grandfather had had a stroke. I was fifteen, and the months that followed really took a toll on me. My grandfather never regained consciousness, but everyone would tell me how he seemed to light up when he heard my voice. Could he really hear me? I will never know. To this day, I still feel as though I did not get a chance to say goodbye to him.

After my grandfather died I moved in with my grandmother. She was more than a grandmother, she was one of my best friends. Beginning last spring, I began to watch my grandmother’s health deteriorate. She kept getting worse, then getting a lot better. We would think things were looking up. Last July, she was in the hospital again. She was getting ready to have a procedure done to look at her lungs and see if she had lung cancer. My grandmother knew she might not make it, and so did the rest of the family. I will never forget the nurses who kept coming in to check on us and how good they were through the whole thing. I lost my grandmother during her procedure. Although I had talked to her that morning, I still wish that I had had just one more day to spend with her.

I still spend every day trying to deal with her death. I feel as though I was cheated out of time with both of my grandparents. You see, they both smoked almost their entire lives. Despite the fact that my grandparents both quit smoking about five years before they died, it was the smoking that too soon cost them their lives. I’m not angry at my grandparents, although it may seem that way. They taught me a valuable lesson about how a simple decision could cause so much hurt. After watching both of my grandparents in the hospital, I decided I wanted to become a nurse. I believe that this decision I am making will have not only a positive effect on me, but also on my family and patients. I believe that not all decisions are black and white, those are the easy ones. It is in the gray area that I believe I will be able to weigh the consequences and make the right decision.